Why you should buy this car:The Escalade is an urban style statement. 'Nuff said? Why you shouldn't buy this car: It's an over-priced, dim-witted, gas-guzzling, poorly packaged, badge-engineered Tahoe that immediately identifies you as an environmentally insensitive urban style victim.
Read MoreExterior Design ** According to several Jalopnik commenters, the new Escalade's blingtasticness and Range Rover rip-off sportholes identify its drivers as secret (at least to them) members of LAMIA: Look At Me I'm an Asshole. I consider that analysis uncharitable, unhelpful and only partially accurate. Although I continue to admire the restrained elegance of the donor Tahoe/Yukon, Caddy's "new" SUV is indisputably tacky — literally tacking-on chrome bits that add nothing but profit and, presumab
Read MoreI don't pretend to "get" African American automotive culture. Replacing wheels and tires engineered for ride comfort and dynamic performance with double dubs wearing communion wafers makes about much sense to me as wearing shorts big enough for Siamese twins. By the same token, stunting and flossing strikes me something Joey Chitwood's agent should have sorted out with the American Dental Association. But hey, if the brothers love the artist formerly known as 'Sclade (currently known as "Slade")
Read MoreWhy you should buy this car: Vee Dub's $25k cruise missile is the financially challenged pistonhead's Porsche. We're talking maximum bang for the buck (discounting the cramped MINI Cooper S and pricier, harder-riding Subaru WRX STi and Mitsubishi Evo). The GTI is also an ideal chariot for less adrenal enthusiasts with kids and an aversion to gas stations, who still like to fart around from time to time.
Read MoreExterior Design: ** When BMW Bangled their boxes, breasts were beaten. Now that VW has proven they can't leave well enough alone — applying the rules of Analytic Cubism to an iconic masterpiece — how long before drivers seeking understated luxury head-off to their Hyundai dealer? Oh wait...
Read MoreI've recently been accused of being a car hater. I understand the diss; I've written a lot of hateful things lately. But that's only because I've driven a lot of hateful cars. If you, dear reader, seek pusillanimous pabulum, there's an entire rack of that shit down at Barnes & Noble just itching to hop into your knapsack. I'm a cybernetic car critic for Christ's sake, not a middle-aged grease monkey constructing passive sentences for some narcolepsy inducing rah-rah rag. Me, I save my accolades
Read MoreWhy you should buy this car: When you were a penniless pre-pubescent pistonhead, a poster of a white Lamborghini Countach poster held pride of place on your bedroom wall, right next to the soft core porn shot of Cheryl Ladd in a bikini. Even though you eventually learned to see the Italian be-winged behemoth as a foul-handling, garish pimpmobile, you never got quite over the desire to nullify feelings of self-doubt by driving a Lambo (although Cheryl's recent appearance on NBC's "Las Vegas" has
Read MoreJust the other day we were talkin' bout the problems Democratic Senators had with walking both to and from their big Capitol Hill gas prices press conference — opting instead for their aides-de-camp to roll in to rescue their bosses in GM and Ford's biggest-and-baddest SUV's. Apparently the situation was so impressively ironic Republican house members decided to go with a similar playbook, with Republican House Speaker Lenny — err — Denny Hastert and other top House elephants were photographe
Read MoreFather Guido Sarducci's endorsement of the Handsome Boy Modeling School:
Read MoreDelphi announced that they will be making the fancy-schmancy magnetorheological dampers on the new Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano. So that means the 599's dampers will be just like ones on MagnaRide-equipped GM vehicles? Let's all hope that the 599's suspension is a little more well sorted out than the one on the Cadillac XLR. Delphi will also supply the climate control system and electrical system for the 599.
Read MoreMazda is on a roll. Besides being a personal favorite of Mr. Thomas, they're actually attracting people that pay hard-earned money for cars unlike the free rides our guest editor receives. The big figures include an increase in operating profits of 49% and net income up 46%. The company points to, wait for it, global sales growth. And the company expects future growth in 2006 with the CX-7 and CX-9 in the U.S. and new MPV in Japan. Does that mean the new MPV isn't coming here?
Read MoreThere will be 12 teams competing in the 2008 Formula One season, and one of them will be Prodrive. The other 11 will be the 11 teams already competing in F1. Prodrive is headed up by David Richards, former team principal at BAR Honda, and (we just learned) 1981 WRC champion co-driver to Ari Vatanen. Richards is also the commercial rights holder to the World Rally Championship. Prodrive was the only new team accepted into F1 out of 11 applicants. Among the denied applicants are former Minardi bos
Read MoreThe Bush Administration already wielded some power over light trucks and authorizing the rise in mileage figures suggested earlier this year. Now, the administration wants the same power over passenger cars. We can't follow how allowing the current CAFE system to raise the figures would "increase fatalities on America's highways, raise health care costs and reduce employment," as Transportation Secretary Mineta says. While the administration doing it wouldn't. The interesting part is no one is
Read MoreRemember that time that our west coast celebrity-blogging sibling Defamer got some news on George Clooney's electric car, and we were all like "Defamer got some car news before us, wow." And then remember we were like, totally jealous and stuff? Hell, even big brother/sister/poppa/momma bear Gawker was impressed. "Who are they to be stalkin' our man!" we remember them cryin' while strikin' their best baby-momma pose. Yeah, that was totally an awesome night. But this is more awesome...
Read MoreThere is one Jalopnik staffer that admits to having never seen the movie The Cannonball Run. We all look at him in shame and wonder "How could this happen?" But maybe, just maybe, he can enjoy the first, and unfortunately the last, column Cannonball legend Brock Yates penned for the now deceased mph. To be generous, we're pasting Brock's entire column below for all to enjoy.
Read MoreThe one positive we gas guzzlers can think of about gas prices is the fertile ground it provides for politickin' — for midwestern Governor and federal electeds alike. That's why we totally loved the "behind the scenes" story the WaPo's throwing down today on the big Dem gas price presser yesterday. You've probably seen it cause it was on like every news show last night (and above) — and the same point was made on those very same news shows (as made above) — Dems walked to the gas station on Capi
Read MoreIf you're in the high-fidelity first-class traveling set, and you think you need to buy a Lear jet, then you'll need a place to park your exotic car when you're away on travel. Did we say park? We meant to say that you'll need a condo for your car when you're away. That's right, a condo. Park Place Car Condos to be more precise. Right now they're in North Miami and Fort Lauderdale, and if Grand Theft Auto: Vice City has taught us anything, secure storage is sorely needed in that locale. But it's
Read MoreThe combo of DCX, GM and BMW just announced their foray into a completely original hybrid system. The two mode set-up has a "electric continuous variable transmission" or ECVT with four fixed gear ratios. Not being the techiest of techs, this sounds like it will work like a CVT and continuously be poppin' through those gear ratios — but in a hybrid. Twice the fuel saving technologies — and twice the umm...something. Oh, and it'll be used in front engine, rear-wheeled drive or AWD vehicles wit
Read More"Trevor", or at least the guy we're assuming is "Trevor", has been nabbed by the po-po. Carl Freer, former managing director of Gizmondo (reminder: not Gizmodo), was picked up at his Bel-Air estate on suspicion of posing as a police officer to buy a gun. At this point there is no connection to the Enzo crash, but if you put the dots together you'll make a pretty picture which may or may not spell the name "Trevor." Let's take a closer look, after the jump.
Read MoreNope — we're pretty sure he thinks the General, FoMoCo and Das Chrysler still need to make "relevant" cars, but Micki Maynard over at the Times is reporting he's at least willing to talk to them now, allegedly in a meeting set up for May 18th. Maybe we'll see if they'll let our Wonky Washington sibling tag along. At least a meeting's significantly better than some of the other comments the man's made — you remember some of his greatest hits:
Read More"Each motor is basically 8 "s1 /KH250" cylinders bolted on to cut up standard casings, with a 8 cyl built up crank, in turn they are bolted to a housing, gear linked and driven thru a BMW road bike gearbox, as the bike is pretty long already it would be difficult to put a transverse drive thru a gearbox. It has taken almost three years of hard work and he has overcome some huge problems to get here - - where do you even start to think about building a bike like this? . . . Oh, by the way, Simon
Read MoreThis is no ordinary ice cream truck. It's the Tactical Ice Cream Unit, from the Center for Tactical Magic. Don't let the happy music and frozen treats fool you, these beatniks behind this are out to subvert every element of our American society. When you're busy supporting Wal-Mart and not protesting the war, the TICU is out on the street, handing out populist messages to impressionable young children. Worst of all, they're giving away ice cream for free. Yeah, we're kidding. But the free ice cr
Read MoreOn this day twenty years ago, the number 4 reactor at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant had a steam explosion that lead to a meltdown and the worst disaster in this history of nuclear power. Today the nearby town of Pripyat, Ukraine is empty. The surrounding area is still a dead zone, heavy with radiation and almost totally void of human life. It's therefore the perfect, if eerie, place to drive. Or ride, as Elena does with regularity and documents on her website. More after the jump. [Update: T
Read MoreAmidst all the hoopla going on about the high price of oil, today's message seems to be "it's the market, stupid." In other words, get used to it. Oil stayed above $73 a barrel despite President Bush halting storing of oil in our national rainy day fund of oil reserves, killing environmental requirements for re-formulated fuel mixes and pushin' Congress on not droppin' pipelines in the Alaskan wilderness. Why? Lots of good reasons that won't make you feel any better. Read on...
Read MoreWhat do you do if you're a young loner on a campaign to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless, in a world of criminals who operate above the law? You get yourself a Knight Industries Two Thousand. How do you do that? You go to The Foundation, the Definitive Knight Rider Conversion Community. Of course, your KITT won't actually talk to you, and they don't tell you how to sell millions of albums in Germany. More after the jump.
Read MoreWe're kinda sorry we missed this one, but Subaru announced and unveiled the Impreza WRX STI Limited at the New York Auto Show. As the press release after the jump is quick to point out, it's got "leather interior" and a "power moonroof" — wow, Subie's have totally come a long way, haven't they? Maybe this is a bit of a hard task for them to accomplish, so they're only gonna be building 800 of them, 400 in "satin white pearl" and 400 in "urban gray metallic." We kid Subaru, cause we know it's
Read MoreAustin loves old Benzes, especially the W126 560 SEL. And what better way to beat gas prices than to put a greasecar conversion on an old Mercedes diesel? Answer: turn it into a Mercedes-greasecar-amino, but we digress. This is a very special kind of old Benz, an obscure 1979 truck called the L409, and you can buy it now for only $5,555. It's in Oxnard and it's not registered in the US, but it does come with customs papers. Take that, Stefan Ericsson! More after the jump:
Read MoreWhat's the deal with the British? When will they learn to speak proper English? Can't the headline just explain that Jenson Button will finally win his first race instead of talking about waterfowl? Anyway, Nigel Mansell, fourth place on the all-time Formula One wins chart and the only man to win hold both the F1 and CART World Championships at the same time, thinks good ol' Jens is on the verge of standing on top of the podium. Hasn't Mansell been watching the last three seasons of F1? Jenso
Read MoreBack in the early 70's, I was a disco DJ for a nightclub called The Candy Store (as in nose). One fateful summer night, I parked my Mazda RX4, rounded the corner and walked straight into a Dino 246GT. My employer's new whip sat on the weathered dock, glowing in the fading sun. The diminutive Dino instantly re-ordered my automotive universe. I could never see another American car as anything but a clumsy barge. And boy, did I want one. A Ferrari, that is. Yes, I know, a Dino isn't a Ferrari. An
Read MoreAs the story goes, the Chevy Nova didn't sell well in spanish-speaking countries in the 1970s because "No va" in spanish means "doesn't go". Who would buy a car that doesn't go, right? Well, it's not true, according to PR flak Brian Akre on GM's new FYI Blog. Of course, there's more...
Read MoreWhen Reverend Dave Thomas gets peeved about something, you know it's worthy of a fire and brimstone bombardment. Jalopnik's temporary editor is an even-tempered, temperate man whose editorial dagger remains firmly sheathed— until the Lord whispers the S-word (smite) into his ear. Well, in this case, Reverend Dave decided discretion was the better part of valor— a theory which this epistle pretty much rents asunder— and charged your humble correspondent with the wet work on Jean Jennings, smil
Read MoreDon't adjust your dials folks, we haven't warped into another universe or back to late 2005 and another website. My name is Mike Austin and l'll be filling in for Davey G. this week. He has already transferred his love of Caminos to me telepathically, so coverage of all things both car and truck will continue uninterrupted. In case folks are worried about my Jalopnik street-cred, here's a few things you should know:
Read MoreSomething must have rubbed off from watching all of those commercials extolling Saab's heritage as an airplane designer. It's the only reason we can think of for why GM's favorite spokesperson printed a second and not-so-official set of business cards for his extracurricular activities which include apparently, flying jets. We've blacked out all of the incriminating info above for the casual reader, but if you really want to go "Maximum" and find out everything possible about the lovable and
Read MoreEven though we ran photos of the 3 Series Coupe earlier this week, we didn't know if they were official or not. On the web, official isn't official until you can download them in hi-res from the manufacturer media site, which we did this morning from the German version of BMW's media site. The U.K. site The U.S. site has their adaptation of the press release too. We're pasting that (I know a lot of you guys hate press release pasting but it is an expedient way to answer lots of questions for
Read More• Delphi's taking cruisin' to a whole new level. [Freep] • You know, we're totally disappointed. GM was offering pay for play to journos, and we weren't offered shit. And here we thought our brother/sister flagship of Gawker was the only one uncoverin' these type of scandals. We just need a catchy name...maybe "Payola For PR?" [The Truth About Cars] • You better get these Michigan kids eating Chinese. Everyone knows China is the new Japan. [Freep] • See, we totally thought we had to go yellow
Read MoreMercedes-Benz just released info about the AMG kit for the new E-Class Wagon. What do you get for your extra $5,700 roughly estimated from the Euro? Well of course the AMG body kits. That alone should make the thing faster, aerodynamics and all. "rear silencers?" That sounds really dangerous. "Sporty suspension tuning." No we're not making up these terms, they're straight from the press release. Don't believe us? Read on.
Read MoreGM's added a new site to their growing blog-empire. The new site, FYI, joins the Fastlane blog and the now-defunct Smallblock blog. Rather than do it ourselves, we'll let Mike Wiley, GM's Director of New Media, describe why this new entry into the blogosphere is necessary — then just for fun, find out how we've translated his "PR-speak" after the jump:
Read MoreYou read that right, I, David Thomas, of unemployed mind and body, am guest editing Jalopnik for the next two weeks. How does the guy that ran the show at Autoblog take on the competition? It's a wild, wild automotive blogging world.
Read MoreParody is good, especially when it's directed at such a pretentious (though pretty damn impressive) piece of crap as the "mouth-music sound effects chorus" ad for the Honda Civic. The parody in question is an ad for UK telecom search engine 118118.com that sends up Mr. Honda's Opus in fine fashion, using two scruffy slackers in an old Econoline van as a kind of geek chorus. Our UK readers may have seen it, but the ad nonetheless deserves a shout. Author! Author!
Read MoreBack when one of us was but a wee lad, we remember getting our first rock-n-roll hard-on from Justine Frischmann of Elastica. Frischmann and the new Brit invasion to us seemed to pop up outta nowhere, and so did we. What can we say, we were all about that sneer, man. She was just so totally tomboy-bad-ass-hot when she bared her teeth for the cam. We wanted nothing more than to "Line Up" and make our own "Connection" with her. In New York this past week we had the opportunity to step inside th
Read MoreOnce upon a time in America, owning a Mercedes was a Europhilic statement of wealth and taste. Back before the brand hatched its alphanumeric plot to take over the world one market demographic at a time, US Mercs were made of raritanium. None was so rare, so big and so god damn FAST as the 300SEL 6.3. Mercedes' V8 sedan was such a snob monster that Skyhooks' 1975 song "Mercedes Ladies" cited the car as the ne plus ultra for women of a certain age who sleep with their mechanics. Granted, a mentio
Read MoreAs country singer and professional Burt Reynolds pal Jerry Reed sang, when you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not. Of course, back when The Guitar Man recorded his career-topping paean to the joys and sorrows of shooting craps, the second gen Chevrolet Camaro was minting money for The General and Burt's struggling film career was about to receive some divine deliverance. These days, Reed's just released a live album to prove he is, Burt's had so many face lifts he looks like a dista
Read MoreSuzuki's new XL7 (now with 100% less hyphen) debuted at the New York Show, indicating the company may have a post-GM future as a producer of mid-market crossover SUVs. The XL7 (three rows of seats, natch) marks a move further upmarket for Suz; it gets the 250hp, 3.6-liter premium DOHC V6 of its former benefactor — which also shows up in the Cadillac CTS, Buick Rendezvous and will power the Saturn Aura — as well as features like stability and traction control and accident-avoidance doodads. It'll
Read MoreWe've packed up our swag (more on that later) and vacated New York's Jacob Javits center, where this year's auto show will continue outside the circling kleig lights of the Automotive Media Establishment(TM). Still, there's wrapping up to do. For instance, Subaru unveiled its new, 2007 Spec.B model, which includes the company's new SI-Drive. It's a system that lets the driver adjust engine performance and includes several driving modes, from "Sport Sharp," which delivers the bulk of torque up fr
Read MoreWhile we were out and about with Jonny Loverman the other day in a Schnitzer-tuned 6-Series, we got no attention from women. Later, rolling through Santa Monica in his hotted-up Impreza five-door (like punk, but it's a car!), a hot girl totally blew kisses at us. Quoth Jonny: "I still don't understand why you got the kisses in the WRX and not in the Schnitzer..." Our theory after he jump.
Read MoreHonda's getting all Elementary like Holmes on Watson with their new, more on-road, less wild-land-plundering-pretentious Element SC prototype. They're overtly threatening to drop the thing this fall, and it begs this question: we know Americans love items of questionable taste — leg-warmers, bell-bottoms, Sonic Youth, etc. But why not just build-tall box wagons in the first place? For all our blustering, all we really want is an internal-combustion Conestoga Wagon. Just don't tell the lowering-k
Read MoreBack in 1996, we were in a band with noted off-road guru (and Parnelli Jones' Baja co-winner) Bill Stroppe's grandson. Actually, it wasn't much of a band. It was just the two of us in a hallway in the performing arts building at Saint Mary's bashing out Jawbreaker cult classics and punk-kid mixtape staples like "Ache," "The Boat Dreams From the Hill" and "Sea Foam Green," the latter of which Jawbreaker frontman Blake Schwarzenbach himself explained to us how to play properly. Predictibly, the ro
Read MoreJust in time for Passover, Kia's announced in 2009 they'll be including Sirius satellite standard in all models. The deal finally lets Kia owners listen to all the fan faves...Howard Stern, Martha Stewart or Grandmaster Flash.
Read MorePeople here are largely psyched about Volkswagen's new entry-level Golf returning to its Rabbit roots (when they're not slapping their foreheads for not foreseeing the change-up in VW's suitably hare-y Fast promo character). Execs say MSRP of the base ex-Golf will be in the $15,000 range, which is on the high side of with other carmakers new entry-level models, like the Jeep Compass and Honda Fit. That's about 30,000 pounds of lettuce, for those who follow the obvious jokes.
Read MoreWell Ogre, it seems like every auto journalist sittin' here in the media holding pen is askin' that question. The conversation seems to go something like this:
Read MoreThe first thing we said when we saw the rear-action shot of the Scion Fuse was, "is the Fuse pinchin' a loaf?" One normally wouldn't think of poop when thinking of the Scion brand, although one of us believes he has created a poop about as big as the small vehicles populating Toyota's entry-level brand. As for this concept, which features some pretty neat ideas, we're kinda hoping they shelve the whole "poop" thing from the rear end. (To be fair, Scion/Toyota claims it's a "multi-functioning
Read MoreWe almost balked at this, and then decided to go ahead with it, since Andrew Krucoff's at the NY Auto Show and once attempted to be a Mopar hipster, at which he failed miserably. To be fair, that's easier to do than most hipsters think. Nevertheless, our man A.K. managed to get an interview with Frank Portman published on Gawker regarding his new novel King Dork. Frank, of course, is the longtime frontman for the Mr. T Experience. Plus, the first time we ever wanted to kiss our ex-fianc was duri
Read MoreDespite visual evidence to the contrary, the new Mazda CX-9 crossover SUV is not the same as the Mazda CX-7 crossover SUV. True, they look quite similar...and the PR material for one appears to always mention the other, but Mazda assures us the two are totally different vehicles...the only apparent difference is one's a bit bigger than the other. That makes sense cause the two CUV's are built on completely different platforms. It's still hard not to notice the similarities between the two veh
Read MoreWe should always be so lucky to get a mad hot rental when we travel. Sadly, we usually get the 2000 Plymouth Breeze POS edition. It wasn't always like this. When our papi was a lad, he had the opportunity to bust outta LaGuardia in a Shelby Hertz "Rent-A-Racer." Well dad, there's a new Mustang waitin' to be broken in at the rent-a-car lot. It's the Ford Shelby GT-H, and Hertz is again adding it to its "fun car selection." Check out the full press release after the break:
Read MoreAvalanche looms overhead/Airplane flies overhead/Important man sits by the window/Sucked out of the first class window
Read MoreOur mom's had a number of cars over the years, and every time she pops the wrapper on a new one, she gets herself a personalized plate to smack on the back. Her latest is "MOMS BMW," but her first was "MOMS VW" and it was for her little VDub Rabbit. Well Mom, if yer interested in some nostalgia, it looks as though Volkswagen is re-branding the Golf as the Rabbit. Excellent. Yet somehow we doubt Mom's gonna be tradin' in her Beemer for a VDub, no matter what her Fast tells her. Come to think o
Read MoreGM let fly with pics of its high-performance Saturn Sky Redline edition today, though they've just made it through the Jalopnik Meat Grinder2000 . The Redline edition is similar to the Pontiac Solstice GXP in that it's powered by GM's new, 2.0-liter direct-injection, turbocharged Ecotec four banger, producing a pre-SAE-certified 260 hp and 260 ft.-lbs of torque. It's also got 18" alloys, limited-slip diff and a whole bunch of chrome cosmetics. Expect it to head out to the highway by the end of t
Read MoreIt hasn't gotten a radical redesign yet — that'll be the next go 'round, but the 2007 Mercedes-Benz E-Class will get a slight refreshening of its current, conservative body style and more powerful engines. That means it's still the perfect Benz for a senior associate looking to make partner, despite his secret life as a cross-dressing cabaret singer.
Read MoreA reader, who we will protect from the worst Mafia ever by not naming, sent us this e-mail. We're goofy-happy. Suck on that LA Times (except for Dan Neil, who we pledge undying fealty to — speaking of that, our check's late this month, Dan).
Read MoreRabid Rick Wagoner, GM's beleaguered CEO, recently responded to increasing calls for his resignation by asking The General's Board of Bystanders for a vote of confidence. While it would be uncharitable to suggest that the Board's thumbs-up is an example of the blind leading the deaf, you gotta give Ricky credit for balls. I mean, what low testosterone corporate manager would risk an Ed Koch-like "How Am I Doing?" after losing more than a dollar per human on the face of planet earth, overseeing a
Read MoreThose who were nonplussed with the wagony Compass's Trail un-Ratedness might be less so with Jeep's new Patriot compact SUV, which Chrysler and company will unveil at the New York auto show next week. The first images of the production Patriot hit the online today, seven months after the concept version rolled onto a lincoln-log stage at Camp Jeep outside the 2005 Frankfurt motor show. Like the Compass, The Patriot will come with Chrysler's corporate 2.4-liter world engine, standard five-speed m
Read MoreBedtime for Bureaucracy: Auto Engineers and Designers Build Own Car I had a car just like that in the early '80s... it had HeMan sheets. by DannyBoy
Read MoreBusy week in the auto enthusiast publishing community. First, Pecker and posse at AMI pulled the plug on our friends at mph (although rumor has it that the crew will be allowed to shop the title, listening, Felix Dennis?) and now it comes down that Bay Area-based DRIVE! Magazine has been sold to Apprise Media, where it'll be slotted in with the company's Orange County-based Action Pursuit Group. Note that we cut our autojourno teeth at that magazine and left on bad terms with the owner/publisher
Read MoreThey said I wouldn't do it, that I'd continue hiding amid a cloak of vehicular anonymity, bashing and praising other vehicles with impunity while keeping my own whippity classified as top secret. Well, no more. There it is, a 2000 Toyota MR2 Spyder. The funny thing is, pretty much everyone who guessed — completely blind, I might add — came up with a car that I most definitely would drive, which may not sound too difficult, but believe me, it's tricky. Still, there can be only one winner, and tha
Read MoreLately, we've totally been diggin' on CNN Money's Peter Valdes-Dapena. He's created some of the more funny auto web-icles we've seen outta the MSM. His latest showed us this man truly can mine gold. And please keep in mind, he's had some mad funny stuff like his CNN piece entitled "Corvette Z06: Something wicked and his comparison piece, Rolls Royce Phantom vs. the Maybach 57S. Come on, we so never get tired of lines like:
Read MoreSo there's been some debate raging back 'n' forth as to whether Dodge's "Too Tough" ad for the Caliber is homophobic or not. "Warum?" the Deutsch among you may ask? Well, it has to do with a fairy who likes to make things cute and dreamy. (The fairy, by the way, is mad hot — dear Fairy Actress, simply e-mail us and we'll buy you dinner, take you out for a night on the town and show you how roomy the back of our Dodge is with the seats folded down.)
Read MoreHere it is, kids, the new Audi TT with 75% less Bauhaus and two-thirds less filling. We'll see it up close at the New York show next week.
Read MoreDrivers of Chevy Cobalt SSs and Saturn ION Redlines will finally be able to add firepower under their dimunitive hoods for not a whole lot more money. GM Performance Parts, the company's aftermarket pimps, have released two aftermarket engine-upgrade kits that will add between 31 and 36 horsepower. The Stage One kit ($500) includes ECU tweaks and higher-flow injectors, and Stage Two involves a giant slingshot and rubberbands made from melted-down cheater slicks. No, seriously. Press release afte
Read MoreCrap. Crap and fucking crap. David Pecker, we're so never talking to you again it's not even funny. According to our media-gossipy brother and sister over at Gawker, reported by AdAge and confirmed by sources within the mag itself, American Media has given mph the axe. Alterman, Thomas, Austin, and Wendler were to varying degrees pals and/or great sources, and there was definitely a lot of mutual admiration between our site and their mag. All of us over here at Jalopnik are deeply saddened by th
Read MoreThe first of the new, soft-roading Jeeps just got its pricing on. Chrysler Group released the MSRPs of Jeep's hairpin turn off the trail (and into the cul-de-sac), the Compass. Riding the same platform as the Dodge Caliber, the base 2WD Compass, which gets the corporate 172-hp, 2.4-liter world engine and five-speed manual will start at $15,985, while the four-by model will be $17,585 (both include $560 destination charge). Options include a Continuously Variable Transmission (CVT2), sunroof, AM/
Read MoreTo paraphrase Vince Lombardi, death isn't everything; it's the only thing. Well, it's the only thing guaranteed to stop a supercar owner from enjoying their extreme machine. Okay, that and the IRS. And a messy divorce, which, believe me, makes death look like a pint of H agen-Dazs dulce de leche caramel. But then, the French call orgasm "the little death," and driving a supercar is one of the rare occasions where you can experience a proper orgasm without making a mess. Unless you crash and die
Read MoreWith the Ford Edge and Lincoln MKX having bowed earlier this year in Detroit, it's up to Mazda to keep FoMoCo's crossover freak-flag flying. The company announced today it's planning to debut it's new, seven-passenger crossover SUV, the CX-9 at the New York auto show next week. (It feels like only yesterday that stories like this were in the news.) The new top-of-the-mast ute will replace the aging Mazda MPV in the US, and like its cousins, will be powered by the soon-to-be-ubiquitous 3.5-liter
Read MoreWe're not sure how this one's gonna fly with the Mini cogniscenti, given that Wert has literally received death threats on his voicemail over his recent video escapade. Literally. Like, they tracked down his phone number and shit. And made, like, death threats. That's how dedicated and/or psychotic these people are. Even the disgruntled vanners — who are mostly from New Jersey — just e-mailed to say that vannin' wasn't dead while imploring us to keep on vannin'.
Read MoreThe mph kids have some interesting musical tastes. Obviously, Wendler, having been in the Necros, has unimpeachable cred. Austin, who graciously put us in his myspace top eight even though he's not in ours (we're so not down with the top eight; we keep ours bone-stock, except that when our pal Wendy committed myspace suicide and then pulled a Lazarus, we put her back in her rightful place), is down with odd mechanical-sounding things. And Merline, well, duh. There's a reason they put him in char
Read MoreOne of the most active stories of the day has been that of visitors to GM's "Make Your Own Tahoe Commercial" site creating irreverant works, like those some Jalopnik readers did back when we first posted the link. Would-be parodists have fired at the Tahoe from several directions: environmentalists tweak its size and gas mileage showing, while unaffiliated wiseasses use the demonstrative-asshole or penis-envy angles. The obvious conclusion is that GM's online viral ad campaign has backfired on t
Read MoreWhoopsie! April fool's jokes have a shelf life of exactly one day a year. Come in too early or too late and the whole thing is blown. And there's no pushing the deadline, either — an April Fool's that falls on a weekend can't be made up on the following Monday. It's just protocol. Sorry, Mini, but those are the rules...
Read MoreGM released more info on the tuner G6 it plans to unveil at the New York show next week. According to the spec sheet, it's accessorized with the finest JC Whitney has to offer: 3.9-liter V6, six-speed manual, ram air induction with K&N air filter, and cat-back exhaust. (Ok, Ok, we kid.) Still, it's a real sports car — which the G6 line (and Pontiac in general) desperately needs — despite the front drive. It kind of reminds us (and our readers) of the supercharged 1997 Grand Prix GTP, which had 2
Read MoreToday marks the start of the 101st Anniversary of the Society of Automotive Engineers World Congress. The Congress, held each year in Detroit, is seen by many as one of the most authoritative glimpses on the world of automotive engineering, with literally hundreds of breakout sessions on exciting broad topics like "Automotive Lighting Technologies" and more minute areas of expertise like "Transmission and Drivelines (Part 1 of 8) Wet Friction Material and Torque Converter." Who are we kidding
Read MoreAccording to a firm that's been attempting to import Romanian-built SUVs to the US for the past year, the Romanian government is trying to pull its tablecloth from under the company's flatware, as it were. The company, Cross Lander USA, is suing Romania for allegedly conspiring to thwart its venture, by way of a Romanian officials, a government organization set up to privatize state-owned entities (AVAS), and a messaging campaign by sensationalist reporters. The suit aims to protect the company'
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