Track-Prepped E46 BMW M3, Factory Five 818, Buckeye Dream Machine: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

Welcome, my friends, to another Friday here on your favorite jello picnic website. What a week we've had together, huh? We've had a mobile Versailles, we've had Keanu Reeves and Gard Hollinger, we've had isekai driving games, we've had HRT femboys. Do you think an HRT femboy is a cisgender transsexual? Debate that down in the comments, let's get into queer theory today. 

While you're on your way there, you may as well peruse a few listings on the way. Today we're taking a trip to the famed Twin Cities of Minnesota, an area I'm told "exists" and "has people who live there." I know little else about your land, Minnesotans, but I've learned at least one thing in this past week: Some of you have very interesting tastes in vehicles. I don't think we've ever had a "powered parachute" in this hallowed column before, but you beautiful Minnesotans all supplied one. Thank you, folks, for your contributions to this week's Dopest Cars. 

I have said, almost weekly in Dopest, that I love a beat-to-hell BMW. One thing I don't think I've said enough is that a beat-to-hell BMW is best when it's in white. I can't explain why. I think a bright solid color just shows the damage that much better. Would you have noticed how messed up these headlights are against black paint? I don't think you would have, and I think that would be a detriment. 

Of course, the battle scars and mismatched paint aren't the only notable features about this M3. It's also fully track prepped, to a degree that the seller claims it's no longer street legal. I'm going to say that that depends on your jurisdiction, because I think the state of Florida would happily let you register this. I'm pretty sure they'd let you register most go-karts, too, but a track-prepped M3 is probably a little more streetable. 

Back in the day when I was searching for Scion FR-Ses, this particular example would've been my ideal car. This was the color I really wanted, and this car looks mint — though not stock. It's been modified, but tastefully, with a JDL unequal-length header, a Borla cat-back exhaust, and an OFT tablet to manage everything. Those aren't quite the parts I'd pick, but they're close enough that I probably wouldn't bother swapping them out. 

The seller also claims this FR-S "has NEVER seen snow or winter road salt." That may not sound all that impressive for a rear-wheel-drive coupe, but remember the target market for Scion was broke kids buying their first cars. A Scion FR-S was meant to be not just a daily but an only car, and plenty of these have the wear and tear to show for it. Mine certainly did, most notably on the rear snow tires after drifting to and from the grocery store all winter in upstate New York. It's a great snow car, I promise. 

I just got a signed book last night that opens with an image of a motorcycle. There's a guy too, but more importantly there's a bike. The author showed me the book, and I immediately clocked the bike as one of these: A Triumph Street Twin, in some sort of white or silver shade. 

I've ridden the Street Twin a very little bit (technically the post-rename Speed Twin 900, but who's counting) and I have to say it's one of the better bikes I've ever ridden. It's just so well-made, so effortless to ride; it's exactly what you imagine motorcycling is like if you've never ridden a bike. I think I've sold that author on getting one of these, given that description, once she gets her motorcycle license. I'm a great influence on my friends, in that I'm great at influencing them to go buy motorcycles. 

As you know from reading all of my other posts — I assume you read everything I've ever written, like a good little sycophant fan — I've recently been pouring all my economic and political anxiety into the idea of buying a van to live in. Facebook has thus recommended me a lot of vanlife-style builds, and perhaps best among them is this little Sunbeam Funwagon. 

Look at those wide-open eyes! The adorable little smiley grille! The white and light blue paint! The little wood accents! Sure, this Sunbeam could use some love, but I think the process of restoring it would only bring you and this camper closer together. It's a bonding experience for the two of you, one that will culminate in you living in this van after you spend all your rent money restoring it. At least it's a roof over your head!

I've always been fascinated by these little 818 kit cars. Beneath that sleek, almost Honda-looking mid-engined body lie a number of parts sourced from Subarus: engine, transmission, gauges, interior parts. This particular model has had those Impreza seats swapped for Sparcos, though it still retains daily drivable three-point belts. We love a kit car that can still be used on the street. 

What's it like to drive an 818, with a turbocharged boxer engine sitting right behind your head? I have no Earthly idea, but I imagine it's a good time. I'm not sure I'd love looking at this particular car's bright-orange interior the entire time I'd be behind the wheel, but it would certainly be on brand for Jalopnik. Can we Kickstart a collective staff ownership of this, actually? Give all the staff writers and editors a key, and let us all fight over use of it. 

I have a humble request of you, dear reader. Buy this X-90, and immediately take these stupid wheels off of it. The bronze color is fine — I'd go white to match the white running boards, but that's just me — but these flimsy spokes on multipiece wheels don't at all fit the off-road vibe this Suzuki is trying to give off. Metal bumpers, winch, fog lights, light bar, all-terrain tires... and these dumb wheels? C'mon now. 

The seller calls this a "rare custom build," seemingly because it has a new engine. The seller makes it sound like an incredible off road-prepped engine, but I can't really find any evidence pointing to it being anything more than maybe a freshly rebuilt mill. That's good, for sure, but I'm not sure it makes up for how bad these wheels are. Lowball the seller. This Suzuki deserves better, and I think you're just the person to give it a better life. 

Another entry in the Vehicles Amber Has Wanted category, we have this Kawasaki Z900RS. It's the cafe model, with the vintage-looking front fairing, and I've always thought these things are just gorgeous. I've sat on one at the dealer, and found it just heavier than I wanted, but that might just make it the perfect bike for you. 

Maybe this isn't some incredibly nimble lane-splitting cone-weaving machine, but maybe that's not what you want. If you want something that's a bit more of a confident highway cruiser, something planted in the wind of a passing truck that still looks beautiful bopping from cafe to cafe. Plus, it's a four-cylinder liter bike, it's not like it's some slouch in a straight line or even in the twisties. That's all worth it for the color, though, because come on. Look at that shade of green, and tell me you don't want this bike. 

Mister Two! Not Bon Kurei (Bon Clay?), but Toyota's little midship runabout two-seater. Just a little guy! Sure, this isn't the fancy supercharged version, but it's still a lightweight mid-engine rear-wheel-drive car. I know, I know, this one isn't manual, but you can fix that when you fix the oil and coolant leaks. Just pull the whole drivetrain out and put in something more interesting. K-swap it or something. 

Yeah, I know about the Toyota 2.4 liter 2AZ swaps for the MR-S, but I've actually never seen a K-swapped AW11. I think you should start the trend. I know K-swaps are a little overdone at this point (though I'd still take one over any LS swap out there), but I think packing a ton of power in a lightweight package would be a blast behind your head in these blueish seats. Actually, after you buy this, tell me if the seats are blue in real life or if the steering wheel is just fooling me in the photos. 

I'd never heard of this company before this listing, and I've realized that there's really not all that much to know. Founded in 1980, bankrupt by 1988, a classic story from the days of Reaganism and plentiful cocaine. I guess cocaine is still plentiful. That's probably why Silicon Valley and midtown Manhattan are like that. 

Zimmer, the manufacturer of this Golden Spirit, did actually come back in the '90s and do its thing for another couple decades. Its thing being "turning contemporary vehicles into vehicles that look exactly like this." The headlights, the long hood, the grille, Zimmer just took these 1920s-looking styling elements and just kind of put them on whatever. This is, beneath the landau top, a Mustang of all things. I fully expected a K-car or something, but no, Mustang. I'll be honest, I would've preferred this one remain a Ford. Keep the weird beige color, that part I'm into, but we really don't need an additional 60 feet of body length on the front there. 

Apparently, this Buckeye Dream Machine is a "powered parachute." I sort of object to the "parachute" part of that, because parachutes are for falling. This is a powered machine that can take off, which is the opposite of falling. Would you call the seat of your car an airbag? Would you call a motorcycle a brake rotor? No, because those would be absurd. But somehow, calling a flying device a parachute is considered normal by everyone but me. 

Clearly, I am the only one blessed with clarity of sight in this matter, and that means it falls upon me to rename these things. They're not powered paragliders, that's a separate thing — in fact, they're not even gliders! They don't glide, they're powered! It's just some sort of ultralight fabric-supported aircraft, which I admit rolls off the tongue a little less than "powered parachute." I'll work on it.