Volkswagen Beetle Ute, Tracked Mitsubishi Bravo, Supercharged Lincoln Continental: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

Happy Friday, folks! I've finally unboxed just about everything I own, which I'm counting as fully moved into the new place. Are all those things in their right place? Absolutely not. Do all of them even have right places? Even less so. But I have my garage shelving, my workbench, and my desk all in my bedroom, and they'll slowly get more organized. 

You, I'm sure, have your garage shelving and workbench somewhere more suitable — say, perhaps, a garage. Maybe even a garage with an open bay, just waiting for something new and interesting to end up hidden away behind its door. Whether you're in the market for a project, a reliable parts-hauler, or just a simple fun car to cruise around in on the weekends, I think you'll find something in this week's selection of listings that appeals. Welcome, my dear beloved readers, to this week's collection of the internet's Dopest Cars. 

I've long said that any ute conversion deserves a spot in these hallowed pages. That's still true, and it never won't be. If I ever change my mind on that, I've been body snatched, and I request you shoot the being wearing my skin in the head immediately. But there's more going on with this particular Beetle ute: It looks genuinely sketchy in a way that deeply appeals to me. 

This Beetle is a Smyth conversion, neither the first nor the last of its ilk to grace Dopest, but all the joints on the rear window here just seem downright bad. Busted paint, broken joints, one section appears to have the texture of aluminum tape. I love a sketchy car and a beat-up pickup, and this manages to combine both into one $7,000 package. Maybe lowball the seller before you go offering full asking price for this one. 

Bashed-up FR-Ses are a dime a dozen, so why does this one deserve a spot in Dopest? A few reasons. First is the BRZ bumper, which isn't actually as simple a swap as you might expect. The BRZ kept its turn signals in its headlights, while the FR-S had separate lights in the front bumper — a proper swap involves using BRZ headlights, or at least aftermarket units with BRZ wiring. A proper swap also includes paint, though, so who knows what the deal is here. 

The most fascinating part of this listing, though, is a single line in the description: "Hood was damage from previous owners savagery, but no accident damage that im aware of." Putting aside "previous owners savagery" as both incredibly unhelpful and morally questionable phrasing, how can you claim this doesn't have accident damage? Look at the front of your car, man. I assure you it didn't come from the factory like this. 

I know, I know, this isn't the GPZ900 we all know and love from "Top Gun." Maverick would never have stooped to a lowly 750. It's also not the GPZ750 Turbo of "Jenny From Thebes," having as it does a naturally-aspirated engine. But I posit that there are redeeming qualities to this more milquetoast GPZ, and they boil down to one main factor: Price. 

Any vehicle for $600 is a good buy, let alone a GPZ. This is financial advice, by the way: If you see a vehicle for $600, regardless of its condition, title status, or parts availability, you should buy it. Not just vehicles you're interested, but any self-powered device on wheels that you can get for $600. This is infallible advice, and it will make you wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. (Editor's note: Amber is not a qualified financial advisor, and also she's broke. Don't listen to her.)

The '68 Dodge Charger is the one everyone knows and loves, but I posit that the subsequent '73 gets a bad rep. Sure, it's worse in almost every measurable way, but consider: It's gorgeous. Not the front end, but the rest of it — just look at that Hofmeister kink-ish curve! This body shape is the least changeable part of a car, so you can make the rest better. We have the technology. 

The seller claims this 1973 Dodge Charger still runs and drives on its original hardware, but you could easily throw a Hellcat motor in there. Or a Hellephant. Dodge really has some specific branding going on here, huh? Anyway, chop the front end off and stuff a modern engine in there, and you'll have a gorgeous car that's more distinctive than the '68. Those things are everywhere, you deserve something unique. With some truly gorgeous pillars. 

I love ads like this, which only sort of specify the thing they're selling. Oh, it's a Gixxer? Great! Wanna tell me which model? Is it a 1,000, a 750, a 600, or even a 250? Nope, sorry, just GSX-R. That's all the info we get. 

Luckily for you, I did the research to determine that this is in fact a GSX-R600. It's an odd one, because OEMs generally print that on the front fairing somewhere, but Suzuki elected to leave the 600 badging to the rear fairing — a fairing that the seller of this Gixxer seems to have entirely replaced or rebadged. The paint match seems perfect, which would point towards an aftermarket livery over factory paint, but who would bother to do that just on the rear fairing of a bike unless it was a crash repair? I'm fascinated by the history of this GSX-R600, and I need you to buy it just so you can figure out what sort of state it's in. 

If you're anything like me, this is what you came here for: A kei van, a Mitsubishi Bravo, on Polaris tracks. I would write more, but honestly what more do you need to know? You have "kei van," you have "on tracks," and you have the price. I can't sell you on this any better than the car itself can, so just go buy it. And let me drive it sometime. 

Do you want to take on a big project, but you want "big" to refer to the physical size of the thing you're working on? Allow me to introduce this Oshkosh MK48 truck and trailer combo, which the seller says "Hasn't run in some time." But imagine how easy it must be to work on! Every bolt is probably the size of your pinkie, and I can't imagine there are any tight crevices in here to get your knuckles caught in.  

The seller also says that the "FIRST PERSON WITH $5000 CASH" takes it. I have to wonder how many people are really lining up to throw money down on an Oshkosh military truck and trailer combo, and whether anyone's really beating down this seller's door to be the first person to somehow tow this massive thing home. How would you even manage that? A flatbed semi truck trailer?

He's just a little guy!

Putting your Ducati on a branded carpet, so its precious tires aren't marred by the dirty, dirty ground, is peak Ducatista behavior. You could slide some cardboard under the engine to catch any leaks, but no — this is a Ducati, and only Duacti-branded accessories will do. Except of course for the Microtec ECU this bike used to run, which isn't included in the sale. 

That means you'll have to bring your own electronic brain, and you'll have to do it before you actually get the bike on the road. That Microtec ECU eliminated the need for a key, and there isn't one included in the sale of the bike — bring your own race-prepped ECU or you're stuck. Still, I think that's a small price to pay for a bike this pretty. Look at the way the tank matches the frame! That's art right there, you philistines. 

Let freedom ring, baby!