Nissan 300ZX, Exocet, Pinzgauer 710k: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

Howdy! Hello. Bonjour, or bonsoir, or whatever time of day it is when you're reading this. I'm going to assume you've stumbled upon this blog at about four in the morning, bleary-eyed and staving off sleep with all the caffeine, taurine, L-carnitine, and whatever else you can get your hands on. Monster Energy is here for you. Monster Energy loves you. 

Listen, at some point in the week (especially a week I've spent sick, like this past one) all other thoughts start to evaporate from my head to be replaced with cravings for energy drinks. I am helpless to resist them. Just like you should be helpless to resist this week's listings, because we've got some great picks for you. Just look at that top shot of a 1985 Nissan 300ZX — yes, I promise that's really what's underneath that skin — and tell me you're not curious about what else we've got in here. After a long week, you definitely need a serving of the internet's Dopest Cars. 

Look at this! This is a Nissan 300ZX! I've seen this design applied to the 240SX before, but seeing it on this chassis is a new one. I also respect that it still has the T-tops, and they still apparently work — no word from the seller on any leaks, and I'm taking no news to be good news here. 

This Z is also referred to as a "Spartan II," something entirely different from the Mitsuoka branding we've come to associate with these designs. Apparently enough people looked at '80s and '90s Nissans and wanted them to look like Deusenbergs that it spawned multiple corporations. Unfortunately for Spartan, the phrase "Spartan II" has come to have a completely different meaning in the last 40 years, and now I'm just picturing Master Chief trying to fit his armor into this thing. Y'know, John-117. Halo. Eh kills aliens and doesn't afraid of anything.

Bagged, right-hand-drive Honda Odyssey on genuine TE37s? Sign me up. I didn't even have to get to the yellow fog lamps before I was sold, which is how you know I truly love a car — usually, yellow fogs are the first thing I notice. There are also plenty of suspension mods to make the air ride play nice, plus Acura RL calipers. The calipers are done up in white, which looks incredible until the first time you dare to actually use them. Then, I'm sure things take a turn. 

The seller claims the rear suspension on this Odyssey isn't actually properly set up for the bags, and that the rear struts top out on their extension when at ride height. I'm not sure how this seller managed to find Odyssey struts that were too low to drive on, rather than being too high to look good with the bags, but I am sure that if you take the bags off this car so help me God I will track you down and tell you I'm disappointed to your face. 

Your guess is as good as mine. These water scooters have two inlets up top, and both look like they're for fuel, but the video in the ad shows one being used for air intake — it seems these scooters work entirely underwater. Unless that isn't actually air intake, but just venting for the fuel tank to avoid pulling vacuum? Am I overthinking this?

Well, if I am, you don't have to. The seller is unloading these things for $450 a pop, and you can just get one and tell me for certain what it's like. Hell, they're for sale in Jersey near the coast — buy one and ride it up here to show me in person. I can think of exactly zero flaws that could come up in the process of trying to ride one of these to New York. The water in the East River is good for you, actually. 

Why should Brad get to have all the off-road Porsche fun?

I know I'm always shopping around for vans to live in, out of fear that the global economy will collapse and I'll be left with no roof over my head but whatever vehicle I own (so I may as well get a car with a shower in it), but recently that window-shopping has turned more urgent. Those of you in the know may have noticed that I moved from Brooklyn to Queens recently, and I now live in a deep anxiety that one of my new roommates will smother me in my sleep with a pillow. Vet your possible roommates carefully, folks. 

Anyway, most of the people in my life have been telling me I "shouldn't move into a van" because it's "not reasonable to live street-parked in Bushwick" or whatever. They've also been telling me that vans "break down," which led me to find this absolutely gorgeous G20 camper van. Will it break? Maybe! But it's an '86 Chevy, which means you can fix it with Hubba Bubba and baling wire. If a part goes kaput, you'll be able to find it in any junkyard on God's green earth. I see no problems here. 

This listing says it's for a Honda S2000. The description specifies that it's a 2016 Exomotive Exocet, one with a K24A2 engine, a motor only found in the Acura TSX. None of this tells me anything about the actual car underpinning this whole kit build, which is either an NA or NB Mazda Miata. However, wondering about the condition of the donor car really gets this Exocet into a Ship of Theseus situation. How much does the donor matter when so little Mazda is left?

The engine is Honda, the transmission is from an S2000, and the rear differential is Getrag. The suspension is aftermarket, the ECU is aftermarket, the dashboard and seats and both radiators are aftermarket. There are probably some structural bits left from the Mazda, the subframes and such, but most of this is just cobbled together from third party sellers. A car made of pure aftermarket. 

My girlfriend is gearing up for her Motorcycle Safety Foundation Basic RiderCourse this weekend, so last weekend I took her to our local Triumph dealer — we were in the area anyway, and they usually have neat used bikes. Unfortunately the dealer didn't have one of these Trident 660s in stock, because she loved both the Scrambler 400x and Tiger Sport 660. If she'd gotten to sit on a Trident 660, she may well have left a deposit. 

I actually haven't yet ridden the Trident 660, but it's already one of my favorite entry-level bikes for a simple reason: I'm so sick of 400cc singles and 270-degree parallel twins. The Trident is a beginner friendly triple, and for that alone I appreciate it. Plus, it looks great, and too many beginner bikes look like complete dweeb nonsense. Motorcycle makers, bring back single round headlights, you cowards. Triumph is eating all of your lunches on design. 

When the world falls, this radio truck will be how you keep in contact with the world. Actually, new pitch: this radio truck will be how you keep in contact with me, because you should buy me this so I can use it to broadcast my automotive takes across the wasteland. No matter where you are — Gastown, the Bullet Farm, or anywhere else — you'll never be free from my all-hours ranting about whatever nonsense is on the top of my head. 

Sharks, I'm pitching you on Jalopnik AM, a 24/7 radio station broadcasting the wastes' greatest car news from this truck. Will we make any money? No. Will there actually be any car news? Almost certainly not, unless society gets rebuilt from "sticks and stones" to "press releases" in truly record time. I'm not ruling that out, but I do think we'll have more important things to do first. 

A Himalayan, but dapper! It makes no sense. Compels me, though. 

Normally I'm a fan of older, smaller wheels like these, but I think this Oldsmobile may actually need bigger wheels. Not by a ton, but the wheel faces here look genuinely disproportionate to the length of this massive vintage wagon body. Maybe give this some nice 16s or something, I think that would balance it all out well. 

Wheels aside, I do love the look of this Vista Cruiser. Automakers right now are trying with all their design might to make unique rear pillars and windows, and here Oldsmobile did it by simply not being beholden to such boring concepts as "just one roofline," Why have one roof height when you could have two? When you could put roof racks on for a third? Toyota, do this on the next 4Runner, and I will sing your praises from the highest peaks. Probably via that radio truck.