What Rules Would You Introduce To Fix Flying?

Flying is a nearly universally frustrating experience. First, there's the struggle of just getting to the airport. That's always a cluster-fornication. Once inside there's something about airport terminals that turns previously rational, aware, thinking humans into phone-staring, mouth-breathing idiot zombies. United Airlines is now making one of the rudest, most clueless, actions a traveler can perform —blaring sound without headphones — a bannable offense. But why stop there? There are plenty of ways we could improve the flying experience. That is what brings us together today: You are suddenly in charge of the Federal Aviation Administration. What rules would you implement to make flying go smoother?  

From the moment you enter an airport, the rules change. People in PJs mill around with professionals in suits, the bar is always full no matter what time it is, and children wander unattended but god help you if your bags do. There's got to be a better way, and I want to hear your ideas on how to move that needle from "a complete mess" to "fairly tolerable."

You may assume that the easiest way to get everyone on the misery tube would be to, as the wise philosopher A$AP Rocky once said, "Pack out the trunk from the front to the back, uh." But science tells us that's just not true. The best way to load up a plane is sending in those already-lucky window seat bastards, then middle, then aisle, at least according to Scientific American. Since I consider myself a scientific American, I am inclined to agree. Lord knows the way we do it now is ridiculous. When I'm not in business class, I hate walking by all the judgy rich people. When I am in business class, I hate having to see all the unwashed masses pass by. Gross. An automaker didn't pay for my ticket just for me to see that. Let's let reason win here. Here's a few more ideas I have floating around:

• $500 fine for clapping when the plane lands. 
• Milling around the baggage security check area instead of moving on results in getting air-horned by Transportation Security Administration agents. 
• Arm TSA agents with air horns.
• Anyone who doesn't listen to instruction at the baggage security gets sent to the back of the line, but must wear a dunce cap the entire time. 

But there are a lot of ideas that are very solid. Our own Daniel Golson mentioned no one under the age of 14 should be allowed on planes and there should be outdoor marijuana smoking areas in the terminals, and friends, that sounds pretty good. But what about you? How would you make the skies friendly once more? Leave us a comment below.