These Jalopnik Readers Want To Be President Of Car Culture, Here Are Their Campaign Promises

Car culture is the bond that connects us all, and we think there should be an elected representative who has our collective interests at heart. There are millions of car enthusiasts around the country representing billions of dollars of national spending, and we deserve a leader to keep things running in an enthusiast-oriented fashion. Earlier this week we asked our readers to post their proposed party platforms for all of us to vote on. I've compiled ten of my favorites here for you to peruse, and perhaps we can get out the vote for one of them to become the new leader of automotive-dom.

Unlike most elections, you get to choose between way more than just two old guys. Heck, if you don't think any of them are worth voting for, you can put your own hat in the ring down in the comments section and we can talk about it. Okay, with that preamble out of the way, let's get to voting! 

- Tax credit for solar panels over parking lots. Keeps the cars cool, charges EVs, improves infrastructure.

- All Super Duty and equivalent trucks must be registered commercial.

- Basic controls for vehicles must have buttons. Door latches must be manually activated. Power assist is fine, but doors must be able to be opened manually.

- Rolling coal is an impoundable offense. First time, warning and a fine. Second time, vehicle is not released until the emissions system is fixed at owners cost.

- Exhaust systems that are literally deafening are immediately impounded. Same rules as rolling coal. And yes, this means you too motorcycles.

- All law enforcement must have easily identified vehicles, name tags, badge numbers and body cams during duty. The events of recent weeks have shown how easy it is for police to get away with everything, and for someone impersonating an officer to literally get away with murder.

Suggested by Drg84

The real job in a symbolic position is just to hold up a mirror to the temperament of the audience and its times. So: As "President" I'd be a fierce populist. I would advocate for manual transmissions, with fist-pounding-on-table language in my entire platform.

I'd be against economy, sustainable/recyclable materials, longevity or other consumer-protective, cost-of-ownership interests. Waste, blatant excess and inefficiency would be our goals. Our support for careless manufacture could lead to a full revival of old-school Detroit.

I'd oppose safety and lowering emissions on the grounds that these just "make people soft and dependent on big brother." A "little more" quality, safety, or environmental friendliness is after all a slippery slope, so let's get back to none.

My inner circle would know that my real positions are mostly the opposite of these. However... in keeping with my job reflecting these times... we'd indulge what we think our audience wants to hear, "spoiling" them rotten, supporting what's probably bad for them as long as they want it and it gets us what we want, which is power over them. We'd keep policy, and doing what it takes to win, unconnected to sincerely-held commitments or public goods.

I think this is the formula.

Suggested by Renato Foucault

- scrap the 25 year rule and require imported vehicles to meet safety standards (US) for the year they were built.

- Plus (minimal) annual national safety and emissions testing. Not TUV level, but ensuring every car on the road has functional lights, brakes, etc and no catastrophic structural issues. Plus isn't blowing smoke or oil out of the tailpipe.

Suggested by Rob-gittins

- NHTSA mandate that every manufacturer must offer at least one model of sedan/coupe, crossover, and truck with an available manual transmission. GM will be requierd, by law, to build a C8 Corvette with a manual transmission.

- NHTSA mandate that every vehicle include at least five color choices other than black, white or gray.

- NHTSA mandate prohibiting manufacturers from including non-functional air scoops, wings or diffusers in their vehicles.

- In recognition that it is more fun to drive a slow car fast than a fast car slowly, any car with less than 130 Hp is granted the right to exceed the legal speed limit on any stretch of road by 10 mph.

- Have you seen the movie "The Purge?" Well one day a year we will have an automotive "purge" where all speed limits everywhere are ignored and the police cannot issue tickets.

- NHTSA mandate prohibiting capacitive buttons on steering wheels, infotainment systems and climate controls. Physical buttons only, please.

Suggested by David Flores

Under my regime piano black interior trim will be outlawed.

No data may be collected from your vehicle regarding your driving habits and transmitted to any third party without your express permission to opt-in.

Michigan's no-fault auto insurance requirement is abolished.

Read... my... lips. No new robotaxis.

Suggested by Robert K

1. No more truck/SUV loophole for CAFE standard. All cars must comply with passenger car mileage targets.

2. Pickup trucks are still allowed of course. BUT they must all be painted pink. No re-painting allowed. So contractors will still have their trucks. Posers will have to find some other way to pose.

3. All safety and emissions regulations will be harmonized with the EU.

4. 25 year old Kei cars will be legalized from sea to shining sea.

5. All modifications will be allowed as long as the car passes smog.

Suggested by Jesse Lee

- All speed limits raised by 10 mph, highways 15, interstates as fast as you can safely go.

- No EV's on public roads

- Cruising in the left lane will get you a two week license suspension, adding 2 weeks for every infringement.

- Bicycles allowed only on sidewalks and greenways.

- Outlaw Toll roads except for express lanes.

- As part of teen licensing, new drivers are required to complete 8 hours of HPDE.

- Texting and driving automatic 1 month suspension.

- No autonomous driving aids (auto start-stop, braking, parking, lane departure)

- No import restrictions.

- No annual registration.

Suggested by Chris Wagner

My issue would be car insurance reform. Car insurance is an absolute scam in the US right now and I think its time for a change. Why is it that I HAVE to pay for something that MIGHT happen or even worse, never happens? I propose car insurance companies with have to refund partial premiums for drivers who go through terms without incidents. Like tax returns, if you will. Also, the longer you go without incidents or accidents the lower your premiums are. I want to change the way 'safe drivers' are even labeled. Right now, its speeding = bad. You cannot tell me a person paying full attention to what they're doing, driving 5 mph over the limit is more dangerous than the driver texting and driving 5 mph below the limit(in the left lane).No longer will we tie insurance rates to cars, we will tie the rates to the drivers themselves. Contrary to popular internet belief, a safe, competent driver isn't going to turn into a psychopath the second they get behind the wheel of a Mustang.

Car insurance, as it is now, is a scam. This scam must be stopped.

Suggested by Marcus C

Make Cars Optional Again.

In my administration, we will launch a public transit moonshot with the goal of high speed or medium speed rail connecting large cities and the smaller cities between and increased public transit for cities and towns, connecting suburbs and exurbs to the city with smart transit solutions- busses, BRT, trams. And we will increase bike infrastructure including parking garages and storage solutions for bikes in crowded areas. We will encourage work-from-home options and we will encourage smarter, less car-centric growth and development. We will encourage retail stores to deliver (same day!) and make it possible to go an entire normal suburban day without needing to drive.

But how does this help me, a car-loving american? Isn't this just giving money to all the damned car-hating jerks who make driving suck, and making my driving experience worse?

When you no longer have to own a car that can do everything- efficiently commute to work AND drive across country with the kids AND brave winter storms and summer heat AND take the kids to soccer AND ALL the other things we need a car to do because it's the ONLY way to get around, When you no longer NEED a car that can do EVERYTHING, you can finally get a car that just does what you want. Get that Miata. Get that weird project hot rod. Make a 1963 Jaguar S-Type your primary vehicle. When cars are optional, freedom truly shines- ENJOY the drive, don't be consumed by it. MCOA.

Suggested by Buckfiddious

- Modifying your diesel to "roll coal" now redirects the exhaust into the cab of the truck.

- After you earn your license at 16, mandatory testing again at 20, then every 10 years until you turn 60. From there you test every 5 years.

- Everyone is required to learn to drive a manual transmission.

- More cars available with manual transmissions.

- Engaging FSD on a Tesla will brick the car until the company has proven rigorously that the system actually works.

- Design a system that kills your gas mileage by a factor of 10 for every 5mph under the posted speed limit you drive (barring inclement weather).

- All cars should come equipped with an interlock system that verifies you have insurance. No insurance, the car won't start.

- While we're at it, mandatory interlock systems to check your BAC before they start.

Suggested by Bossrday