Oil Is Back Over $100 A Barrel, And I'm Starting To Think This Brent Crude Guy Might Be A Greedy Jerk

The U.S. doesn't have a great track record of quickly ending wars it starts in the Middle East, so no one should be surprised the Third Gulf War isn't over already. Still, nothing about one little forever war against one tiny country of 93 million people should be making gas expensive. I thought we'd all agreed to keep oil cheap while this war drags on, but apparently not. NBC News reports that oil is back over $100 a barrel, and the main culprit is some jerk named Brent Crude. Who the hell let that guy decide how much my Gladiator costs to fill up?

And yet, it's right there in the news report. Brent Crude's oil now costs more than $100 a barrel, and he's trying to blame the 6% price increase on "the latest Iran war escalation." As if that matters. Personally, I think he's just a greedy a-hole who will say anything he needs to if it means squeezing a few more bucks out of a humble, working class patriot who spends two to three hours a day commuting between John's Creek and his office in downtown Atlanta. 

If you notice, Patriotic American oil in West Texas doesn't cost $100 a barrel. It's up about 5% and still only costs $93 a barrel. Maybe Houthi rebels really did attack two Saudi oil tankers in the Red Sea like the lamestream "news" media claims, but really? A red sea? They expect us to believe water can be red? Maybe if you're a dirty communist. And you better not pretend you aren't a communist, Brent. I don't like you, and Grok says everyone I don't like is automatically a communist. Hope you like the view from your future prison cell inside the Federal Reserve.

Maybe you think all this stuff happening on the other side of the world can't hurt you, you just don't understand the threat of the Global Communist Menace. This whole thing started with an attack on one strait, and now the Houthis have attacked a second strait, this time in Bab el-Mandeb. Between 12% and 15% of all the products we move on boats travels through the Bab el-Mandeb Strait, and it's been used as an alternative route for ships trying to avoid the Strait of Hormuz. Now the Bab el-Mandeb Strait is dangerous, too.

Attacking one strait could have been a coincidence, but going after two important straits in a row sends a message that no strait is safe anymore. Once they've conquered the entire Middle East, they're coming after all the straits in America so they can control us, too. Before you know it, families and even genders will be illegal, I won't be able to afford to use my off-road truck as a suburban commuter, and it will all be Brent Crude's fault. Just look at what one of the communists at Deutsche Bank told NBC News:

"Inflation has remained top of the agenda for markets this morning," said Deutsche Bank's global head of macro research, Jim Reid, citing the jump higher in Brent oil. "Indeed, the strikes between the US and Iran show no sign of easing, and the Houthis said they targeted two oil tankers in the Red Sea yesterday, raising fears that the conflict is widening."

See? Even they admit Brent Crude is mixed up in all of this. If Seal Team Six doesn't take that greedy communist a-hole out soon, I don't think it's too much of a stretch to say Western Civilization is officially over.