Florida Man And Sheriff's Deputy Shoos An Alligator Off Busy Highway Like It's Just A Tuesday

Well, it's that time of year again: the alligators are cruising for sex. As they tend to do in April, males with thick hides and lonely hearts are leaving their usual haunts to seek female company. And on April 28 in Tampa, Florida, one particular guy apparently decided to engage in that most desperate action of all: catcalling at passing cars. Buddy, I promise you, there are better ways. 

As you can see in his bodycam video, courtesy 10 Tampa Bay News, a Florida man (who just so happens to be a sheriff's deputy, but still technically a Florida man, right?) has to work out how exactly to get his scaly friend past the traffic, in a sort of real-life game of Frogger. Otherwise, things might get pretty nasty. Perhaps it's just that unspoken bond of bros, but as he politely asked the gator to get to the sidewalk, by golly, that's exactly what the gator did.

Of course, a sheriff's deputy is used to dealing with shady characters, not scaly characters. Or as the department's social media feed put it, "When your 'suspect' is 7 feet long and comes with 80 very sharp teeth... You call in backup." A licensed trapper then came by, and together the deputy and trapper got the poor gator ready for relocation. Hopefully, some nice, sweet gator gals are there, too.

April is when the male alligators start to set out in search of mates, but May and June are when most of the mating actually happens, per Fox Weather. When a bachelor finds an eligible bachelorette, he must be properly impressive, or the lady will pass. This mating display is quite elaborate, with mating calls and a "water dance" where he slaps the water with his jaws and tail. There's also a wrestling match involved. Sure sounds like Florida courtship to me.

After hours of this, the lady enters her "just hurry up and do it" phase, which the male then obliges. Including the "hurry up" bit: actual sex takes just 30 seconds. Florida Man, you might want to pull your new buddy aside and give him a few pointers.

Apparently, if you live in Florida and come across a thirsty gator where he shouldn't be, you are encouraged to call the Nuisance Alligator Hotline, which surely must be a phone sex line for amphibious reptiles. The good people over at 866-392-4286 will get you sorted out one way or another. Probably by sending in Florida Man, friend to all gators everywhere.