Honda HR-V, Mitsubishi Lancer Evo IX, V8-Powered AMC Gremlin: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

Happy Tuesday, everyone! I'm freshly back from a road trip out to Pittsburgh last weekend, for a friend's wedding that was replete with Jalopnik-adjacent folks, and let me tell you: Pittsburgh is a weird place. It reminds me a lot of the city I went to college in, actually — cities that sprang up around a single industry as their main employer, now dealing with the fallout of that industry's collapse by populating vacant storefronts with stores built to cater to Millennials like a theme park. I saw a store that only sold french fries. 

Of course, cities like that always end up attracting certain populations. You of course get your local indie musicians, some of whom I met as they showed me how to sneak into a graveyard so they could show me what's locally known as the "t*tty sphinx mausoleum" (I assure you the musicians do not censor it as I have to).  You also get some interesting intersections of car culture, where dirtbag tuners meet the people who got rich off their french fry businesses. So, with those crowds of enthusiasts in mind, let's check Pittsburgh out for this week's installment of the internet's Dopest Cars. 

"Amber, I thought Dopest was supposed to be about cool cars, why are you putting an HR-V into the list?" Well, first off, stop talking to your computer monitor because I can't hear you. Secondly, I'm putting this in because it's not the HR-V you know and love loathe think almost nothing about. This is a first-generation HR-V, from long before the name made its way to American shores, and it's cool as hell. 

A right-hand-drive manual transmission two-door crossover with enough ground clearance to actually get off road! A unique design that hides the pillars inside the glass! There's a wing on the back! Going from this to the boring, practical second-generation HR-V was a massive downgrade, and I think you should express your discontent to the fine folks at Honda by picking up this 1999 HR-V to be your new daily driver. That'll show the Honda suits. 

Will the new Scout, the electric one from Volkswagen, ever actually happen? Who knows! EVs are dying off in the United States, killed by a regulatory environment that's built for fossil fuel execs by fossil fuel execs and Charlie, but we've now started a war in the middle east and fuel prices are skyrocketing. Will EVs make a comeback? Will it be impossible to actually assemble a car, given the cost to ship parts around and a lack of petroleum from which to make plastics? Who knows!

What we do know, though, is that this 1969 International Scout isn't going anywhere. Sure, it may not be as beloved as the Bronco or the Blazer, but it fits the same bill as those two other cars — just, with some more rounded-off styling. I still think they're neat, and you could still drive one around while you wait for your electric Scout to maybe be built. That is, if the fuel costs here don't bankrupt you first.

Last week, we established that the Volkswagen Cabrio is a certified Hot Girl Car. This particular Cabrio may not have the all-white exterior of the models recommended by you all, but it does have something those early cars lacked: An interior that looks like bowling alley carpet. This rocks, and all cars should have similarly loud interiors — if not louder. If the fabric couldn't be used to upholster a bus, I don't want it. 

I've never known a Cabrio that worked properly, and this one is no exception. The seller claims the blower motor is busted, meaning there's no heat or AC to be had in the cabin. That's fine, though — it's a convertible, you're not supposed to be using the climate controls. You're supposed to be controlled by the surrounding climate, surrendering yourself to it in exchange for getting to feel the sun on your face and the wind in your hair. Just don't let that interior fade from the sun. 

Jalops, I bring you all a gift: A brown, turbo, manual, minivan. It even includes a parts minivan, because I know you love to wrench. The seller claims this Voyager was a daily driver, and it sounds like they may actually keep dailying it until a sale. Sure, there's some rust, but the seller claims it's only cosmetic and not structural. I trust them, because I have faith that no brown turbo manual minivan owner would ever attempt to pull one over on a fellow brown turbo manual minivan enthusiast. 

There's apparently a third van somewhere in this mix, which donated its parts to fix up the parts van. I don't really know what the point of that is, given that the parts van is supposed to be a donor for the daily van, but I guess the deal here is for the one brown van and for a second mostly-complete van that includes enough parts to finish it out. 

The Mini Cooper S is a very fun car — just ask Jalopnik's resident Mini owner Logan Carter, who loves the little car enough to routinely squeeze his approximately 30-foot-tall frame into one. If Logan's willing to ride around looking like that one Simpsons character, there must be something to these little cars. Drive one, and you'll see what the secret sauce is: Wheels way out at the corners for handling, compact dimensions and light weight, and a supercharger under the hood. 

It might be worth asking the seller whether this Mini is actually for sale. The seller seems to really like the car, but listed it in hopes of getting a truck or winter beater to get through the snowy months. Now that the snowy months are over, though, the car is still listed. Also, maybe ask why the entire front end is a different color from the rest of the car. I'm sure that happened for good and normal reasons unrelated to collision repair. 

Are Evos starting to get cheaper? This one's relatively built, yet it's only asking $24,000 — this would've been a $30k car only a few years ago. Maybe the market's cooling on these, as they start to age. Maybe Subaru has just taken over the rally car world, making the Evo into an also-ran like the International we saw earlier. On the one hand, I hope not, because the Evo deserves to be right there with the STI's pedigree. On the other, I hope everyone forgets the Evo ever existed, so I can actually afford one someday. 

This Evo IX claims a built motor (though the seller doesn't specify what's built beyond the cams), an FP Red turbo, and a 93 octane tune that they somehow don't have a dyno chart for. This either means a prior owner tuned it, or that the car got a street tune — if it's the latter, have someone throw it on the dyno for a good long time and do the job right. The dash has also seemingly been rolled back by about 50,000 miles, but who's counting that?

You have no idea how lucky you all are. You almost didn't get to see this El Camino at all, because I very nearly kept the listing for myself. In the end, I decided I really don't need $8,500 worth of ute, so you all get the chance to throw your cash over for one of the more Jalop cars to ever cross the Dopest list. It was close, though. I still haven't entirely ruled out buying this myself. 

This El Camino has a 350ci motor, a four on the floor, and a wood steering wheel. The exterior is Jalopnik Orange, the hood is raised, and the headlights appear to have been swapped for some questionable LED units. In short, this is maybe the greatest car that's ever existed, and I'm begging one of you to buy it so it ends up in the extended Jalopnik family. I would even consider going halvsies on it with you, provided I get joint custody of the car. 

This Saab 900 convertible has possibly the smallest image I've ever seen on Facebook Marketplace, and that's really saying something. The quality is bad enough that I'd almost write the entire listing off as a scam, if not for the fact that surely any con artist looking to make off with a quick $6,200 would list a more broadly desirable car. Saabs are for freaks and weirdos, which means this car belongs in Dopest. 

I've liked the look of these 900s ever since Moog of Mighty Car Mods did one up in JDM style with his WaSaabi build. I can't say I'd go for that style myself, largely because it's just kind of dated by now, but seeing the car shot all professionally like that gave me a new appreciation for its design. Those angular headlights are just so good, how could anyone not want a car this pretty?

Speaking of orange vehicles, we have what may be the apex of the art form: The Repsol Honda, patterned after Honda's RC213-V race bike on which Marc Marquez began his dominant career. Honda made this bike in 250, 600, and 1000 cc variants, and this unlabeled listing definitely looks to be the 600cc variant. I'm pretty sure. 

My friend Jordan is adamant that I should get a 250cc Repsol bike, simply because doing an entry-level single-cylinder sportbike like that up in a full MotoGP livery is extremely funny. I agree that it is, but I disagree that I need one — a single cylinder simply isn't enough. I'd much rather have this 600, so beat me to the punch and go inquire on the ad. I really don't want to ride one of these back from Pittsburgh, though I wouldn't rule it out for the right price. $8,500 is probably not the right price. 

Did you know that you could get a Gremlin with a 304ci V8 from the factory? I certainly didn't, but it gets a lot less impressive when you learn that all that engine only made about 150 horsepower. This Gremlin, though, is likely making just a touch more — at least according to the seller's "slightly built" designation. The seller claims the Gremlin has headers, a dual exhaust, and a 3.55 limited slip differential, which certainly ought to liven the car up. 

I think you should buy this Gremlin, and build it even further. Not for drag racing, not for highway pulls, but for something far dumber: Wheelies. You should build this car up so it can hit 12 o clock in a parking lot, and then send me videos of yourself doing so. If you do, I assure you a spot in the hallowed pages of Jalopnik.