Five-Point Frenzy: When Deer Meets Car

In honor of Midwest deer-hunting season — and because we blubbered like a little girl during Bambi — we bring you this (mostly) blood-free gallery of lovable vehicle-deer moments. Yeah, it's random, but so what? Happy Monday!

Random Point of Interest One: As far as we know, there is no universal guide for tying a deer to a car. Most DNR websites offer basic safety tips ("do not tie the deer across the hood while it's still warm," etc.), but hard and fast rules are pretty hard to come by. Our advice? If you go for the hood, make sure you can still see out of the windshield. (Seriously, people. This happens.)

Random Point of Interest Two: Hitting a deer with your car and then claiming/tagging it as the bounty of your hunt is illegal in most states. Along the same lines, if you hit an animal, don't go cutting its antlers off willy-nilly. (And if you're in Texas, don't do it next to a public roadway. You might get arrested. True story.)

Photo Credit: Ghost Particle / Flickr

"Dammit, Jim, I don't understand why he's not movin'. Hell, he's not even warm."

"Be careful, Fred. Them critters are liable to surprise you somethin' fierce."

"Well, hell, I just thought I'd poke it a little and . . . wait . . . it's . . . IT'S LOOSE! HE'S COMIN' RIGHT FOR US! AIEEEE!"

Photo Credit: Matt MacDonald / Flickr

"I saw him downtown one sunny afternoon. Hair like lightning, antlers bigger than a turned-on Thor. Couldn't have been more than a few seconds, and then he was gone. Rode down that street like he owned it. His sneakers gleamed. He was . . . El Deerablo."

Photo Credit: CM 2175 / Flickr

"Frank, I tell you, that sonofabitch knows how to drive. Scandanavian flicked it through the intersection, e-braked us up onto the curb, and double-clutched into first before I knew what happened. He's a monster. And he has to be stopped."

Photo Credit: Isbye / Flickr

"Captain, I just don't get it. When the boys arrived at the scene, the only things left were a pair of battered sunglasses and a rental car covered in hoof marks."

"The cleanup crew didn't find anything else?"

"Nothing. Well, nothing except this. It's written in a scrawling, almost . . . animal hand."

"Don't be ridiculous, sergeant. A note? What does it — wait, is that English? "

"Chief, what the hell does 'NOM NOM NOM' mean?"

(Ok, so it's an elk instead of a deer, but close enough. Also, the guy in this picture looks exactly like my friend Chris Simon from Chicago. Hey Chris!)
Photo Credit: Steve and Jemma Copley / Flickr

This is what turns up on Flickr when you search for the words "deer" and "car" simultaneously. Ladies and gentlemen, Sweden is one weird-ass place.

Photo Credit: Peter and Jan Criel / Flickr

Ah ha ha! Deer on bus! Deer no ride bus — bus ride deer! Ah ha ha! They no have fare! Ah ha ha! Oh, deer angry! Deer get in argument with bus drive person! Ah ha — oh, deer inside, oh — oh, deer ANGRY, oh OH HUMANITY! DEER GONE MAD! AIEEE!

(Again, they're elk, but...)

Photo Credit: UV Fedor / Flickr

Found outside a college dorm in Miami. We prefer not to think about why it was there. We suggest you do the same.

Photo Credit: Billy V / Flickr

Note motorcycle. Note fur on motorcycle. Note deer head attached to back of motorcycle. Note that said deer head is wearing a helmet.

Fact: This picture was taken in Germany.

That is all.

Photo Credit: Celesteh / Flickr

Aww, cute!

(Nope, there's no car. Yep, we cried at Bambi. And yep, we want to hug it. Nothing against hunting, we're just sissified emotional weenies.)

Enjoy the season!

Photo Credit: Patricia Lazar / Flickr