Five Car Technologies You'll Need If You Want To Be Like Superman

Alright, so the new Superman movie, Man of Steel, has been out for a bit now, and the reviews have generally thought it pretty ridiculous. Who cares if a bunch of Hollywood types can't get it together? With these five car technologies, you might as well be your own Superman.

It always disappoints me when movies don't live up to my ridiculously high standards, as then I have to go make my own. And that's taxing. I can't just go around making better versions of films all willy-nilly, as these things take plenty of money and plenty of time. Seriously, some of the cars in this list go for a pretty penny.

If you find yourself becoming a random billionaire, however, it'll help to have some cars to re-create your Superman fantasy. Just put all of these characteristics in one vehicle (I'm sure it will be easy), and you'll be good to go.

1) Hopping Suspension

Superman's original power was originally the ability to leap over tall buildings, and that's about it. No flight, no laser vision, no frost-breath, no whatever God-like powers the comic books are giving him these days (seriously, there's a whole Wikpedia page devoted to his powers alone). So if you're going to start somewhere, why not start with the OG of Super Abilities? Install some hopping pneumatic suspension and you should be able to leap over small buildings, at the very least. If you want to leap over tall buildings, I recommend something that'll afford you a softer landing.

2) Super Speed

Superman's best-known power, after flight, was his crazy-fast super speed. At one point, he even flew so fast that he made the Earth spin backwards, which made time go backwards, thus saving somebody, and that makes total sense, I think, if you don't actually think about it. Anyways, you're going to need something fast for your automotive Superman re-make. How about the McLaren F1, that's pretty fast, right? No. Not nearly fast enough. Bugatti Veyron SS? Not even close. Top fuel dragster? You're not even halfway there.

No, what you're going to need is a jet-powered Thrust SSC. The first car ever to break the sound barrier, you could actually see the shock wave it generated as it blasted through the Nevada salt. Awesome.

3) Super Lung Capacity

I'm talking about Superman's ability to hold his breath for really long periods of time, like, almost as long as David Blaine, you guys. He can't actually breathe water, that's for Aquaman, who is useless.

If you want your car to actually be able to drive underwater, you're going to need something like the Rinspeed Squba, a Lotus Elise-based submarine that was inspired by the Lotus Esprit in The Spy Who Loved Me. The Squba actually "flies" underwater, much like Clark Kent himself, owing to its hydrodynamic design. Too bad its underwater capabilities don't actually give you super lung capacity.

4)Bulletproof...ness

What would be the point of Superman, a guy who is supposedly super, and a man, if he could be felled by a common air rifle? If that were the case, he would not be very super indeed. So if you want to be more super than the average bloke you're going to need some armor.

Why settle for just any armor though? If Superman's arch-nemeses Lex Luthor (who has money to afford lots of weapons) and Braniac (who can probably design lots more) are going to stand a chance, they probably won't stop at the standard handgun. No, you're going to need something a bit more than that. What you're going to need is something like the stuff offered by International Armored Group, seen being tested on the SUV above. A goddamn anti-tank mine goes off directly underneath it, and just its cowlick is out of place. Not bad.

5) Super Strength

It turns all you really need to tow a 292,000 pound Space Shuttle is about 400 pound-feet of torque. It's still impressive no matter how you slice it.

So there you have it. All you'll need is an armored jet-powered car with hopping suspension and a completely air-independent propulsion system. And none of those things are contradictory. At all. Nope. No way.

Photo credit: Warner Bros./Julia