Celebrate The Last Night Of Hanukkah With Every 8-Seater Car You Can Buy

Happy Hanukkah, everybody! It's that's special time of year when many of my people order Chinese food, watch a movie and ignore Goyam in their lives.

Of course, at sundown we light the menorah. And since tonight is the eighth night of the holiday, I couldn't think of a better car-related way to celebrate it than by listing every eight seater you can currently buy. (Kanye, please look away).

Before you ask, yes I am Jewish. Just look at my last name. There was never a chance I wasn't. Am I practicing? Take a guess. Do I also celebrate Christmas? Mind your business.

Anyway, let's check out all of the eight seat vehicles you can buy today. We've got all types of vehicles on this list, and when all say "all types," I really mean just SUVs and minivans, but that's not important.

The Escalade is arguably the most luxurious choice on our list. It's a car for when you've got six kids and a seven-figure salary. It also has a great big V8 engine that'll add to the fun.

Want an Escalade but not the fru-fru luxuries? This is the answer for you. The Tahoe and Suburban will do anything you need from them with room to spare. Plus, people will think you're a cop so they'll get out of your way.

If you feel like those GM truck platform body-on-frame SUVs are a little big, but you still need a lot of room, you cannot go wrong with the Traverse. It's also the only non-truck based GM vehicle you can get with eight seats. Damn you, Enclave.

Just how badly do you want to look like a cop, exactly?

Ah, the Yukon. The middle child of the GM truck-based SUVs. Some would say it's the sweet spot. Perhaps I am one of those people. Just make sure you get it with extra chrome.

The Odyssey is probably the vehicle you should buy on this list. If you need seating for eight, you need a minivan. I know it's tough to hear, but it's the truth.

Want a less practical Odyssey? Buy a Honda Pilot.

We all know you couldn't get your hands on a Kia Telluride. It's okay, the Palisade is a very good consolation prize.

Here's the SUV for you if you find yourself yearning for a Pixar mom.

JUST BUY A MINIVAN. YOU NEED A MINIVAN IF YOU NEED SEATING FOR EIGHT. THIS IS A GOOD ONE.

The Telluride is a great vehicle; the only issue is the Kia Carnival is better for its intended purpose.

This is the vehicle you should buy if you want to recreate the 2005 box office smash hit Are We There Yet?

Nissan made the Pathfinder look good. That rocks for Nissan. Keep it up, fellas.

Remember WRX days gone by with your screaming children in the back of a Subaru Ascent.

The best Uber vehicle you can get.

It's too bad about the Land Cruiser, isn't it? The Sequoia is still cool, though, and in typical Toyota fashion, it has a USB-A port right in the middle of the dash.

BUY A GODDAMN MINIVAN, JESUS H. CHRIST (good Jew).