An Overanalysis Of The Sexxxiest Crash At The Formula One Monaco GP

The Monaco Grand Prix is the most romantic race on the F1 calendar. The course is tight and cars couldn't help but have some physical contact on the circuit. Things got hott on the riviera.

This year's Monaco Grand Prix was surprisingly crash-ey, mostly because things were getting so hot and steamy under the Mediterranean sun. The cars on the circuit snaking between casinos, yachts, and luxury hotels couldn't keep from smashing and banging all afternoon. Just take a look at Romain Grosjean's Lotus flying into the back of Daniel Ricciardo's Toro Rosso.

That's just sheer physical attraction between the Lotus and Toro Rosso cars.

The Marussia of young Brit Max Chilton and Venezuelan Pastor Maldonado suffered a fatal attraction as well. Watch the sparks fly as the two cars got intimate.

The Ferrari of Felipe Massa picked up a strange obsession with the wall around the first turn on the track. The car skidded into the barrier in free practice three and in the race itself, sending Massa to the hospital for the love tap.

Unquestionably, though, to most romantic wreck was the crash between Checo Perez's McLaren and Kimi Raikkonen's Lotus. Let's take a look at how the two cars couldn't stay apart.

Here we see Perez coming out of the famous tunnel at 180 miles an hour. Up ahead is the left/right Nouvelle Chicane, which is the widest part of the track and the easiest place for cars to slip past each other. Perez had a major crash here a few years back.

Perez is streaming in on Kimi as the two drivers brake for the turn.

Still at 113 miles an hour, Perez is sizing up his chance at a pass on the inside.

Take a look here at how Kimi's Lotus is already in Perez's path of making it to the corner. Is the Lotus just so eager to rub up on that silvery sleek McLaren?

Yes! Take a look at Lotus sticking on the racing line, closing in on the Macca.

This is the first moment when the McLaren's driver realizes that his car and the Lotus are about to make sweet, sweet love. Panic! Perez locks his brakes.

Now Checo is in full 'avoid the wall' mode. The problem is, that lusty Lotus is taking up all the room for him on the right. Contact! The cars kiss tires.

More contact! It's the wall that's bashing the McLaren now.

Chunks of the McLaren's carbon fiber front wing start flying off.

Scorned, the McLaren goes back after the Lotus as both cars cut the chicane. Perez's wing is still exploding.

The drama is not over. Take note of the third car shooting past Kimi here. This is going to be the matchmaker for the second spat of F1 lovemaking.

Kimi has to get on the brakes to avoid a crash with this third wheel, and that only brings him closer to Checo's McLaren. Was that third car acting as a wingman? Probably.

Checo's McLaren catches right up to the Lotus, and Kimi's car is about to make a bold move. Note the angle of the Lotus' front wheels.

Now note the angle of his rear wheels. Yep, Kimi's car is powerslidin to the left, cuddling up to Perez's McLaren.

The cars almost touch tires again.

Checo thinks he was cut off. He waves an angry hand at Raikkonen, but he really should be more accepting of the two cars' loving tendencies.

Kimi also didn't understand this beautiful automotive romance and went on to say that "maybe somebody should punch [Perez] in the face." That would't be the first time F1 drivers tried to beat the crap out of each other, which usually looks as froo-frooey as you might imagine.

Perez's McLaren ended up retiring with "brake failure," but I know it was of a broken heart. It got a brief taste of the Lotus' affections, and nearly a second chance at love, only to have the car stream off into the distance. Kimi's Lotus got a puncture from its first moment of intercourse, but it never got to see Checo's McLaren for the rest of the race. The car stopped in the pits for a tire change, then went on to shoot up three places in the standings in the final two laps.

It was a magnificent race weekend at Monaco, but hopefully these drivers will manage to keep their cars' reckless romantic appetites at bay for the rest of the season.

Thankfully none of the other racetracks are anywhere near as lusty as the Circuit De Monaco.