An Ode To Royalty
Nothing is quite like the false sense of power as I drive down the street in my former Palm Beach county detective car. The dirty look of someone who figured out that I'm a fake, the soccer mom in the Honda Odyssey doing 5 under the speed limit Boy do I love her. She is a silver with black interior, 90,000 miles looker prime for a nice retirement .I told my wife that a 2003 P71 is safe, affordable and you can fit two strollers in the trunk with no problem, She replied "what's a P71? " . Ahh what little does she know. A P71 is your father's car but with respect built right in. It commands people to take a second look, to slow down and to wave at you. Ok, so the gang bangers don't actually wave but that's not the point.
Being a Senior Master Ford Technician, I love these cars, they are reliable and in the rare event something fails they are ultra easy to work on. I can recommend them to the seniors group at church without worry. My friends like it also; we can do a burnout with ease and then off to lunch five deep. But they aren't the problem; I don't have to convince them. My wife, my better half the keeper of the peace. I learned sometime ago that if mamas not happy ante nobody happy, and that rings true today. So I bought it, cleaned it and brought it home. As the look of WTF (why that ford) moves across her beautiful face the ringing in my ears begins.
"I'm not driving it unless you cover the red and blue lights behind the grill". "Where is the center arm rest, and why does it smell like KFC?" Stop, hold on a second I will cover the lights, I don't know where the arm rest is, and that was my lunch. But my beloved wife missing the point, its not about what its missing or the smells it emits the point is that on any given night you can turn on COPS and there she is chasing down the bad guys, jumping curbs and idling for hours. The P71 is the mode of transportation that not only serves and protects but can take you to the airport @ $1.75 a mile.
The Crown Victoria has served so many for so long and now at the end of its life we see other companies chomping at the bit to fill its shoes. The caprice is nice but good luck on keeping parts in stock at reasonable prices, the Dodge chargers is a good fit if all you need to store in the trunk are two road flares and three feet of stop strips. Even as Ford rolls out the new interceptors (I.E warmed over Taurus) I can't help but to think about how just right the new 5.0 with 6 speed auto would have allowed Ford the time to come up with the right replacement and at the same time allow the Crown Victoria to go out with a bang. She would have commanded respect for years as modified versions would be roaming the streets with mustang bolts keeping it real.
The cost would be somewhat low and orders would have soared. As a tech for Ford I speak with police officers daily, not the pencil pusher that orders the cars for the troops but the actual men and women who drive the cars and place their trust in these cars. So its to late for our loyal friend the Crown Victoria, it was a good run, you fought the good fight and now and for years to come you are welcome to serve your new duty filling the needs of the many people who will buy you up and keep you going. And for this I tip my FBI hat I bought at Spencer's to you, the Ford Crown Victoria.
This piece was written and submitted by a Jalopnik reader and may not express views held by Jalopnik or its staff. But maybe they will become our views. It all depends on whether or not this person wins by whit of your eyeballs in our reality show, "Who Wants to be America's Next Top Car Blogger?"