Off-Road Mazda Miata, De-Bodied Honda Civic Si, Jawa Sandcrawler: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

You made it! Happy, uh, whenever this runs. I've lost track at this point. Friday? Saturday? Tuesday? Either way, you made it through and for that I'm proud of you. Give yourself a little round of applause. The years start coming and they truly don't stop coming, and despite high gas prices and the looming economic collapse that threatens to cast us all out onto the streets, homeless and starving and desperate as AI CEOs rail ketamine on their yachts, you're still here. Despite everything, it's still you. 

So anyway, how about them cars? May as well get one now while you still can. Party like it's 1999, in a sense — not with the optimism of a new millennium to come, riding a bull market into infinity, but with the terror of a looming technological apocalypse and an economic bubble on your mind. Plenty of people bought Supras before Y2K and the Dot Com crash. You can get something fun now, while the U.S. dollar is still a piece of currency that people accept. Here are this week's Dopest Cars. 

The seller describes this Miata as being "one of one," but let's be honest — we've all seen offroad Miatas before. A jacked-up NB with a Hard Dog roll bar and all-terrain tires wrapped around 15-inch wheels is nothing new. I would argue, though, on the side of the seller. There are two things that make this particular offroad Miata neat. First, it seems to be genuinely well-built, with an eye for usability rather than getting a job done in the most comical manner for hte least possible money. Second, it seems to actually get used. 

There are shots of this Miata in the dirt that don't look like the fire road photoshoots that every other dirt Miata gets. The seller claims to have put 40,000 miles on the car since it was lifted, so the build is well tested — if anything were going to go wrong with its design, its suspension setup, or its weight balance, it likely would have by now. 

Facebook Marketplace sellers, I am begging you to take better photos. You see how much I had to rotate this one to make it halfway usable as a slide image. This sucks! Every photo is at some absurd angle, and they all hide the true gem: This club-style Dyna. 

I have little love for Harley-Davidson as a brand, but even I have to admit that the club style Dyna just hits. I watched "Sons of Anarchy" at a formative age, and some part of my brain still yearns for this kind of fairing and seat. I don't think I'd want this kind of satin paint job, especially not mixed with the high gloss of the fairing, but maybe you do. Maybe that's your thing. Listen, I'm not here to judge, just to educate you that this thing will show every smudge or speck of dirt forever. Though maybe, as a propsective Harley owner, you don't care. 

See, now this is a photo taken by someone who wants their vehicle to sell. Not to go all "Wes Anderson is when something is in the middle of the frame" here, but there's something Wes Andersony going on here. The warm tones of the car against the cool yet vibrant water and sky behind, the comical proportions of the vehicle. If anything, the just-off-center framing is the least Wes Anderson thing here. 

The seller of this Vanagon seems eager to get it off their hands, having just reduced the price by more than half — from $12,000 down to $5,500. They say it'll need "some repairs," with frustratingly little detail on what that might mean beyond California DMV paperwork and smog testing, but if that's the extent of the issues then anyone from any other state can get a half-price camper easily. Go take it to the Grand Budapest Hotel or something. 

You thought I'd let the Halloween-ish Dopest go by without a spooky skeleton? This Civic Si coupe has been stripped down to bare metal and further, an incredibly in-depth process that requires comprehensive fabrication and modification knowledge. If you're hoping to find any of that in the description, though, you won't. The ad text, in full:

2007 Honda civic si made it into a EXO Car six speed manual with a new clutch kit and coil over suspension with new wheels

Hey, seller, quick question: Can you give any amount of detail on anything happening here? What kind of parts are the clutch, coilovers, and wheels? What're those seats? Are the harnesses in date? Why is there only one windshield wiper? This isn't some fungible stock Corolla, this is an incredibly heavily modified vehicle. You're going to need to give us some details here. 

I love these anniversary liveries, with the yellow and black and the little dashes. I'm not sure that paint meshes harmoniously with the shape of the tank on this first-generation XSR900, but c'est la vie — the second generation, which I think would wear this paint better, hadn't yet been designed. 

What the first generation lacks in style over its younger brother, though, it more than makes up for in outright rowdiness. This is a bike that CP3 riders said was too rowdy — the same kinds of riders who spend their days at 12 o' clock on their MT09s considered this bike's wheelbase too short and its roll-on power too abrupt. This bike wants nothing more than to have fun, to buck and wind out and split through lanes, and the yellow color just makes it all the more lively. I want one of these so badly. Buy one in my stead. 

Yee and, I cannot stress this enough, haw. This is the platonic ideal of a truck, and all others fail to measure up to this C20's level of quietly confident, unassuming utility. Maybe the Slate will get there once it's released and (eventually) considered to be normal, if the company manages to sell more than six of them before going under. Personally, I can't wait to get a Slate from the Chapter 11 auction when the company eats it. 

Even the Slate, though, stands in the shadow of this C20. Simple round headlights, a simple square grille, a hood that covers the engine and a roof that covers your head. None of it is so painstakingly designed as every modern truck, no crease or angle on the C20 exists purely to project the image that its driver is a Rugged Flannel Man who Does Labor and Wears Carhartt But Not In An American Spirits Way. 

You want to know what's worse than bad pictures of a car? No pictures of a car. This is the only photo in this ad, plus two screenshots of a notes app parts list. You're selling a non-running Mitsubishi Eclipse, and you can't even put in the effort to show us the condition of the body? What if there isn't one, like that Civic up earlier? How would we know? 

Despite my griping about the ad, I do still like this car. I'm a sucker for this generation of the Eclipse, and this one claims to be totally rust free. Sure, we have to take the seller's word for it, but still. A shell that hasn't seen a thousand New England winters is worth an engine that doesn't work, I think. One of those is a lot easier to fix than the other, and you can probably just rip a block out of a rusted-out Eclipse and toss it in here. 

This one's for Andy, who's always bragging about how he doesn't have to sell things to maintain his lavish lifestyle of owning multiple watches. Oh yeah, Andy? You're financially stable enough to have gone to an off-off-Broadway show the other day? Buy an NSX about it. I know you want one. 

This seller didn't include a year in the ad, but I don't care. Much like the C20 we had before, this is simply a good truck. Does it matter what year it is? Does the mileage matter? You can get those things off the title when you buy it. All that matters is that this Hardbody runs, stops, and can haul your stuff around. 

Honestly, what more could you really need? I wish the wheels were a little different — give me steelies on a truck like this, really — but anything else is gravy. This is just a good ol' truck for doing good ol' work, and I love it. 

Yeah, I... I'm not sure either. The seller says this sandcrawler could be for Burning Man, or to live in. Good luck.