At $9,000, Will This 1999 Mercury Grand Marquis Cruise To A Win?

Unlike the Marquis de Sade, who made people's lives miserable, today's Nice Price or No Dice Grand Marquis was designed to make long-distance driving as comfortable as possible. We'll have to decide how comfortable we are with its asking price.

If you are of a certain age, you no doubt remember watching, probably on TV on a Fall Saturday afternoon, a movie called "Mad Monster Party." Produced by Rankin/Bass and filmed in that studio's traditional stop-motion animation style, the film featured the voice talents of Boris Karloff and comedian Phyllis Diller. Diller was notable not only for her comedic stage and screen work; she was also an unabashed car buff. Of all her cars, Diller claimed her 1968 Excalibur Series I Phaeton as her favorite. That was one of the first Neoclassic cars to hit the scene, featuring styling reminiscent of the pre-war Mercedes-Benz SSK, powered by modern Chevy Corvette engines.

It's difficult to say whether Diller—who passed away in 2012—would have also liked the Neoclassic styling of the 1986 Johnson Phantom we looked at on Wednesday. Based on the comments, few of you were enticed by its baroque charms. At $20,000, it also wasn't seen as a bargain, ending the day with an 88% 'No Dice' loss.

Speaking of watching things, have you tuned in to the new iteration of the streaming series "The Grand Tour?" The show features Thomas and James from the Throttle House YouTube channel, plus a funny British guy, Francis Bourgeois, who likes trains and looks like Pinocchio grown up.

In one episode, the three attempt to determine which regular car is the most durable, and James shows up with what we all might consider a logical contender, a Ford Crown Vic P71 Police Interceptor. Spoiler alert: the Ford takes the checkered.

Now, the 1999 Mercury Grand Marquis we're looking at today isn't spec'd for police duty, but that doesn't mean it isn't built for the long haul. This model, along with the Crown Vic and the Lincoln Town Car, represents the last body-on-frame sedans built in America. It also has a wildly under-stressed 4.6-liter modular V8 and a simple-as-a-pimple four-speed 4R70W automatic transmission driving a live axle, so there's not much to go wrong in the greasy bits, either. And considering that the basic chassis—Ford's Panther platform—saw a production run of over three decades, parts shouldn't be a problem.

That's not to say this Mercury needs anything right now. Claimed to have just 73,000 miles on the clock, this big sedan appears to be in excellent condition inside and out. Painted in the delightfully named Dark Toreador Red, the car has straight bodywork and rides on some particularly handsome factory alloy wheels. It also features one of Ford's "better ideas"—the SecuriCode keypad on the driver's door. That's worth the price of admission alone.

Once inside, the Grand Marquis offers wide, pillowy seats with space for three in the back (and, thanks to the car's generous dimensions, their legs), and for two on the split bench up front. While the seats aren't meant to hold occupants in place in the corners, they look comfortable enough to make long drives effortless. Obviously, the car also offers the bells and whistles expected of its era, but it's free of screens of any size, so again, there's less to go wrong.

Craigslist

According to the ad, the Mercury runs like new, has working A/C, new tires, and comes with a clean title. The pictures also show a trunk that could hold multiple golf bags, or, for the mobsters among us, at least five bodies. What more could one ask?

The '60s surf and dragstrip duo, Jan & Dean, once sang about "The Little Old Lady from Pasadena" who kept, in a rickety old garage, a "brand new, shiny red super-stock Dodge." It's safe to say this Mercury is probably more to the liking of most little old ladies, and likely quite a few of us, too.

That is, of course, if we can get over the hurdle of its $9,000 asking price. That is at the high end for these cars, but this one's condition and low miles are strong enticements to pay that extra dollar or two.

What do you think about this Grand Marquis and that $9,000 asking price? Is that fair given the car's condition and how much life it still has to live? Or does that price give you the Mercury blues?

You decide!

Denver, Colorado, Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

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