You've Got To Deliver 100 Pizzas In A Night. What Car Are You Driving?

As existing gets increasingly expensive, more and more of us are looking for gigs just to make ends meet — especially food delivery jobs. Even with my cushy job as a coastal media elite, I've considered it, but since I'm also a car sicko, I've deeply considered what I'd use for the task, and now I'm opening it up to you, which leads me to today's question and scenario.

You've got 100 pizzas to deliver in a single night. What car are you doing your deliveries in, money no object? What is the best car in the world for delivering a lot of pizzas in a short amount of time at any budget? Yes, I know there are some logical fallacies at play when it comes to delivering pizza in a an expensive vehicle, but for the sake of argument, we're going to put that aside. If it's something that truly bothers you, feel free to write your local congressperson and tell them what a doodoo head I am. The rest of us will have fun daydreaming about a completely made-up scenario.

I've thought long and hard about my pick for my made-up scenario, and to me, it's perfect: it's the Mercedes-Benz G580, baby. Yes, I know the electric G-wagen starts at $164,550 including destination, but again, that doesn't matter in the slightest. What does matter is that it's the perfect delivery vehicle.

The G-Class EV is big and comfy, but not too big, so it'll be easy to park. The massaging seats will make sure my weary back never crumbles under the pressure of handling dozens of pies. Its cargo floor is also completely flat, so there will be zero cheese slippage. Any real pizza connoisseur will know shifting cheese is a death sentence for a good pizza.

It's also plenty fast with the 579 horsepower and 859 pound-feet of torque produced by its four electric motors — enough to rocket it to 60 mph in just 4.6 seconds. When you've got 30 minutes or less to get your 'za where it's got to go, every second counts. Obviously, you could go with the Mercedes-AMG G63 for an even faster ride, but you'll be burning through your profits with horrid gas mileage, and the thump of that twin-turbo V8 could get old after a while. EVs were tailor-made for the stop-and-go nature of pizza delivery if you think about it.

Anyway, that's my perfect choice for delivering 100 pizzas in a single night. Why don't you head on down below and let your fellow Jalops know what yours is?