Squished Ford Falcon, Drag-Prepped Nissan 240SX, Coney Island-Style Harley-Davidson Electra Glide: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

Happy Friday, you beautiful people. Do you think of yourself as beautiful? If not, you should. That kind of self-love is good for the soul, and will make you feel better in everything you do. Personally, I consider myself to be the sexiest dog in God's hot car, and I intend to prove that this weekend by making out with any number of gorgeous women at the upcoming New York City dyke march. 

Your weekend plans, however, probably don't involve kissing first and learning names second. Don't worry, I've got recommendations for you too. Rather than dancing topless in a fountain, you can browse a wealth of handpicked automotive listings that are sure to be almost as entertaining. Look at how weird that Falcon up top is! Plus, you probably get to look at these in the air conditioning, which is more than I can say for myself (or most of Europe) this weekend. I truly hope you have fun with this week's Dopest Cars. 

I want you to imagine a 1961 Ford Falcon. Now imagine that, for reasons unknown to any god or man, it's littler. But only front to back, not top to bottom or left to right. You're imagining this "chopped" Falcon, for sale on Facebook Marketplace without a single word in the ad about how it was built. 

We can assume, from that descriptor, that the center of the frame was cut out and the front and back welded together to create this certified little guy. Yet there are no build photos, no details on whether the suspension was changed to account for the lower weight (it looks like it wasn't, given the high ride height). not even a shot of the undercarriage — the assembly of this car is a mystery. I guess you'll just have to buy it to uncover all of its weird little secrets for yourself. 

The ad for this Moto Guzzi has one photo, which appears to be a screenshot of another photo. Its description is the words "Excellent condition," followed by a phone number, and ended with "Bob." The entire bike isn't even in the one photo we get, but there's enough to see that it might be hanging from the seller's garage ceiling — a detail that creates far more questions than answers.

There's an aftermarket windshield, but that's about all I can tell about this V9 Roamer. This reeks of "ad put up to tell your wife the bike is technically on sale," a move that is 100% guaranteed to lead to a long and happy marriage based on mutual respect and adoration and absolutely not just a route towards building quiet resentment until you either get divorced, die unhappy, or are silently killed in your sleep by a wife that's long since grown to hate you and the mocking, dismissive patriarchy you embody. 

This Impreza looks like it was built for LeMons or the Gambler 500, with its bonkers design ethos and genuinely competent-looking roll cage, but this is another situation where I desperately wish we had more photos and info. How was a 1995 Impreza turned into a ute? Why? I'm not complaining, but if I'm going to drop 1,400 American dollars on a car I want some backstory. 

The seller claims this Impreza "runs and drives great," but that it needs some cosmetic and interior work. I can't speak to the former, but the latter is certainly apt. I actually don't think the big quarter panel (bedside?) dent needs to be fixed — that's just character — but I do think this needs a pair of race buckets with harnesses and an NRG quick release hub stat. If you're going to make a rally car, make a rally car. Don't stop once you hit the inside. 

I had thought that every S13 240SX left on this pale blue dot we call home was a thrashed-to-hell drift missile, but apparently not. There's at least one left that hasn't been slid sideways into a guardrail, because it's a small block Chevy-powered drag car. The seller says it'll run in the nines, and I'd be shocked if it didn't after seeing those Hoosiers. 

It's just so funny to see a car so known for a single form of motorsport — the S-chassis is the de facto car of drifting, like the Evo or STI for rally — done up in a classic style for a different sport entirely. Seeing an S13 with a blower out the hood and Hoosiers on the rear is like seeing Mickey Mantle in hockey pads, if the hockey pads predated Mantle by a solid few decades. 

This is maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen. A Daihatsu Hijet, a distinctly Japanese motor vehicle, done up in RealTree®™ camouflage and marketed as "THE PERFECT HUNTING MACHINE!" to appeal to our American minds. The seller appears to use this Hijet as an actual deer blind, and brags that the rear cargo area "can hold a BUNCH of deer, or coolers!"

Can you imagine Jonathan Fitzgerald Daihatsu, heir to the Daihatsu fortune, seeing this? What his perfect little vehicle has been perverted into? I, for one, love it. This build is so antithetical to the entire purpose of the Hijet that it wraps back around to being an extremely good bit, and there's nothing I love more than an extremely good bit. Maybe oxygen, but it's a much tighter race than you might image. I have an unfortunate case of adult onset improv brain, and it's terminal. 

This is one of those listings I almost didn't put into Dopest, because I want the vehicle so badly for myself. A black Bonnie that's not totally murdered out, with a brown diamond-stitch flat seat out back — this is maybe the perfect motorcycle. It's such a recognizable silhouette that it doesn't even need logos on the tank, because this shape and size could only ever be a Triumph Bonneville.

They say you're not supposed to mix blacks with browns, but I think it works here. Sure, a red tank might tie everything together, but I think you're allowed to put a brown seat on a black bike. I think you can do whatever you want forever, because rules are made up and being in trouble is a fake idea, but I think this look genuinely works well. This is probably the point where the menswear guy sends a tactical nuke to my home. 

When will the Honda Fit become a beloved enthusiast car? It's cheap, it's lightweight, it's surprisingly nimble, and it comes in bright colors. It's even a hatchback, like we're always clamoring for! Plenty of us enthusiasts love recommending the Fit to our normie friends, as the most practicality available in the smallest package, but how many of us own one ourselves?

This seller is doing things right, seemingly owning two Fits. They're concerning in other ways, mentioning a specific brand of payment processing in the ad in a manner that would normally seem scammy, but a quick Google tells me that this one seems to be legit. That pairs well with the walnut blasting and fuel injector service, all points that add up to an extremely meticulous owner. Get this (manual!) Honda Fit and take it out to an autocross, HPDE, or Gridlife event. Having lapped Lime Rock Park in a track-prepped Fit myself, I can tell you these little hatches can do so much more than you expect. 

I love myself a Land Cruiser. I know this, all you regular readers know this, it's no secret. But my tastes generally run newer, towards the V8-powered 100 series Cruiser, and the older FJs generally end up feeling overpriced to me. This one, though, is an exception. Look at the color! The stripes! The stick shift! Is this not the perfect vehicle?

I wish this FJ60 still had its original headlights, rather than these halo-ringed LED models, but that's about the only criticism I could possibly level at this incredible Land Cruiser. Even the chunky all-terrain tires just suit its personality so well — not some over-aggressive brodozer, but a quietly capable off-roader with plenty of confidence. It's possible to be good off road and have fun while you do it, and these stripes are proof. Try frowning at those classic Toyota colors, I dare you. 

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Did you know there's such thing as a Coney Island-style motorcycle? I didn't until I stumbled across this listing, and did some Googling to figure out just what I was looking at. It turns out the style doesn't actually originate on Coney Island, at least as far as I can tell, but is inspired by the boardwalk's attractions — specifically, all their light-up carnival-style signage. 

Accordingly, Coney Island bikes are covered in flashing lights. They seem to universally be Harley-Davidsons like this Electra Glide, full dressers with usually a single seat, and some swap the top case for custom metalwork. They're a neat side of motorcycle history that I'd never learned about, something unique to New York, and you could have an authentic one. How cool is that? This seller even says that they bought it from the original owner, who did the Coney Island styling personally.