This 25 MPH Gas-Powered Offroad Scooter-Skateboard On Tank Treads Is The Best Worst Vehicle I've Ever Seen

Do you like skateboarding, but wish you had a way to do it off road? Do you like motorized scooters, but wish they didn't have tires that could pop? Do you want to do 25 of God's own miles per hour on a machine that combines both of those likes into one? If you answered "yes" to any or none of these questions, I have the perfect vehicle for you: This DTV Shredder, a gas-powered pull-start skateboard-style lean-to-turn scooter on tank treads, all yours for just $2,500. 

I didn't know the DTV Shredder existed until today, when I clicked on this Facebook Marketplace listing fully believing it was a BattleBot. Instead, I was introduced to the best-worst form of transportation I've ever seen. DTV has apparently been building these machines since 2009, according to the company's website, and it's since moved on to exclusively building them with electric drivetrains (which, of course, hit even faster speeds). This model, though, is from the good ol' days of gasoline engines. 

This older Shredder seems to work like the current models. There's a thumb throttle on the scooter-style handlebars, along with two brake levers — one for each tank tread. Steering is handled by the board platform at the base, which responds to your leaning (DTV says it's like snowboarding, but as a former snowboard instructor I think it's closer to long boarding). Can those brakes lock up the treads if you're not careful? Absolutely! Will the entire Shredder wheelie if you whiskey throttle it? Of course!

The DTV Shredder is the kind of "out for a rip" energy that could only come from Canada. It's impractical, it's genuinely dangerous, and I want to ride one so bad it's unreal. Just look at how aggressively it takes off in the listing video on Facebook Marketplace! It wants to buck you off, and trying to keep yourself aboard seems like some incredible fun. This might be the perfect vehicle.