I Can't Make The Car In Front Of Me Drive Any Faster, But You Can Definitely Stop Tailgating Me Like This Is Somehow My Fault

Driving home last Sunday, I found myself behind someone driving below the posted speed limit. It happens. It's fine. Especially at night on a winding two-lane road with frequent wild animal crossings. Getting home faster is always nice, but you know what's a great way to add a whole bunch of time to your trip? Hitting a pig or a goat that darted out into the road. So I did what any normal person would do and slowed down to keep a safe distance between us. It's not like we were stuck there for 12 days or anything.

If I hadn't been in a second-generation Subaru Crosstrek at altitude (turbo Crosstrek when, Subaru?), I probably could have passed them in a few miles, but there also wouldn't have been much point in trying. After all, I could clearly see they were behind another driver going slower than the posted limit. In fact, as the road rose and fell, I could see a line of at least a dozen cars in front of them, all going about the same speed. Whether I wanted to drive any faster or not, it wasn't exactly up to me. 

Was that enough for the 4Runner driver behind me, though? No. Of course not. Clearly, I was the one choosing to do this to him, and let me tell you, he was not happy about it. I could tell because he was tailgating me so closely, all I could see in my rear-view mirror was grille and headlights. After a few failed attempts, he finally found space to pass me, risked a head-on collision to pass the driver in front of me and then proceeded to get stuck in the parade of cars, unable to pass anyone else until he eventually turned onto a different road.

I don't know what to tell you, dude. It's a bunch of cars going slower than you'd prefer, but it's not like I can do anything about it. Just calm down. You'll get there when you get there.

Had this been a one-off example, I wouldn't have bothered to write about it. A certain percentage of the population will always be entitled douchebags, and you're bound to encounter one every now and then. But it isn't. It happens constantly, both here and back in Georgia. I get stuck behind a slow driver, someone else gets mad about it and they start driving dangerously because, I don't know, nothing could possibly be more important than driving as fast as possible? Grow up.

Is it entirely possible the tailgaters I encounter are late to something important? Sure. But if it was that important, why didn't they leave with plenty of time to spare? That's a thing, you know. You don't have to leave at the last possible second. I have ADHD so bad, I take naps on Adderall, and I manage to do it, so I'm pretty sure the rest of you can, too. It really isn't that hard, and even if you leave late, what's the point of making that everyone else's problem? Take a deep breath. It'll be fine.

Oh, but what if they have kids, and getting the kids ready took too long? I don't know, maybe don't drive like an losers with your kids in the car? Even if you don't care about risking injuries or traumatizing them, you know what's going to make a crash infinitely more stressful? Crashing and then having to deal with a bunch of screaming, crying kids. 

We're all supposed to be adults here, and part of being an adult involves being emotionally mature enough not to take your frustration out on other people. You should be able to control your anger, and if you can't, it's time to start going to therapy. Especially if you have kids. I don't know if you know this, but you can simply choose to be a good example. It might not be easy, but it's possible. You just have to do it. 

In fact, you may be surprised how much more you enjoy driving once you learn to let go of the need to stick it to all the jerks who are constantly in your way. Just slow down. Relax. It'll be fine. I can't make the car in front ff me drive any faster, but you can definitely stop tailgating me like this is somehow my fault.