What If Germans Wrote Mini's Amazing Apology Letter?

Apparently there are still some Brits at Mini, because their apology letter for sending a car out without its paddle shifters was one of the best we've ever seen. What if Germans had written it instead?

Now that Mini is part of BMW, yyzron kind of imagined that the letter would be written in a particularly dry, Teutonic style. I wasn't the only one. Gamefeline235 replied first.

Dear Consumer,

In the attached parcel are the instructions and equipment to install the shift paddles that were left off during our exacting manufacturing process. If you, for some reason, are unable to do this work yourself, then please bring the vehicle and included parts to one of our dealers service departments and we will have you motoring again as soon they can fit you in.

Let us Motor.

Regards,BWM MINI Customer Relations Department

Automatch followed.

Ve are zorry you ordered a Mini with ze automatic, because ve don't think you deserve to drive zis car ve have omitted ze flappy-paddles. Please order a new mini with ze correct gearbox.

What do you think an apology letter from Mini's German staff would've sounded like?

Photo Credit: Mini