FlairHair: The Next Horrible Gotta-Have-It Holiday Gift

Screw the snuggie. Say goodbye to the beer helmet. Adios, ironic John Deere hats. FlairHair is the hot new spiky-haired hat phenomenon that's set to sweep middle America like an especially virulent form of herpes.

Wandering aimlessly through the bowels of the automotive aftermarket productgasm that is the SEMA show here in Las Vegas, Mike Levine from PickupTrucks.com and I stumbled across the culmination of over 100 years of automotive aftermarket innovation — FlairHair.

It's a visor (or bandana, depending on which FlairHair you're ludicrous enough to buy) with fake, Guy Fieri-like hair sprouting stupidly from the top. It's like someone killed a possum, skinned it and sewed its furry ass onto a hat. We both gagged and simultaneously giggled in delight (hell, we didn't even know that was possible) the first moment we saw this fake hair topiary that, as BretInVancouver just said on Twitter, "takes the trailer-trash douche concept even further than Axe or Ed Hardy."

It's so ridiculous we just know it's going to be the next craptastic Christmas season tchotchke ready to take chimney-hung stockings by storm.

I mean, check out how hot I look. Don't you just want to take me into the T.G.I. Friday restroom and have your way with me on the wet, mildew-ridden counter. Grab my FlairHair and call me your fat, mouth-breathing chef.

In fact, we're so sure of the awesomeness of this new product of overconsumptive stupidity that the both of us are quitting and investing our life savings in a FlairHair distributorship. We're opening the front door of this plane, grabbing two beers, a plastic mannequin head and a premier partner display with six shelves displaying 36 visors, hitting the escape slide and saying Sayonara to car and truck blogging!

So long Jalopnik, Wert out!