Commenter Of The Day: Spit Baptisms Edition

The best moment in any Sunday school is when the students turn on the teacher and hope to exploit the portions of dogma that can be stretched to ridiculous extremes. This isn't unique to any one denomination or religion. A friend of ours led a Sunday school class for junior high kids and their favorite moment came when she explained that, according to her faith, one could be baptized with anything. This led to a litany of questions including "can we baptize someone with Coke" and "what about lemonade?" Eventually, and this is apparently a common experience, the kids asked if they could baptize someone with spit if, in an emergency, no other liquid was around. In Ben's exclusive story of an Enzo's miraculous turnaround, our very own POLAR shared the gospel.

Jalopnik 11:25-45

25 – Jalopnik said to Groner, "You are the resurrection and the life. We who believe in you will trust, even though the Enzo died;

26 – and whoever kills an Enzo, their career will die too. And if you believe this, you will see the glory of Enzo"

27"Yes, Mighty Jalops," Groner told them, "I believe that I am the man, like that of a God, who was to come into the world and 'Save The Enzo'."

32When Groner reached the place where Enzo was and saw her, he fell at her twisted fibre of carbon and said, "Enzo, if that dumb ass Griffin not had been here, your greatness would not have died."

33 – And Groner saw her weeping, and the crews who had come along with Groner also started weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.

35 – Groner wept.

36 – Then his crew said, "See how we love them!"

37 – But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man (Griffin) have kept this Enzo from dying?"

38 – Groner, once more deeply moved, came to the garage.

39 – "Open the toolboxes ," he said.

40 – Then Groner said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of Enzo?"

41 – So they went to work. Then Groner looked up and said, "Jalopnik, I thank you that you have heard me.

42 – I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me."

43 – When he had said this, Groner called in a loud voice, "ENZO, come out!"

44 – The dead exotic came out, her front end fixed with various lightweight materials, and the rejuvenation of her would bring a smile to Jalop faces everywhere.
Groner said to them, "Fire her up, and witness the Saving of the ENZO!"

Amen.

[Photo: Getty Images]