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Anyone who’s ever browsed the internet has probably come across a video in which someone (a Ford Mustang driver) spins out somewhere (outside a Cars and Coffee) and crashes into something (a crowd of teenage YouTubers). Sure, the drivers of these Mustangs are being idiots, but I also want to point out that it’s really easy to lose control of these cars. Too easy.
While most people are salivating over newly introduced cars—like the Lexus LC500 or the Honda Civic Type-R—I find myself drooling over used cars at some of the shadiest dealers in town. I’ll drive by Stan’s Stolen Supercars, catch a glimpse of a $35,000 Maserati GranTurismo and wonder when I’ll get the chance to own this five-owner beautiful piece of Italian machinery that is currently home to a spider colony. I dream about used cars the same way normal people dream about a vacation in New Zeal
This might not look like a 1999 Miata but it is. It’s a stripped down version of one, only consisting of the bare essentials. This is the Exocet from a company called Exomotive. Starting around $7,000, you can build one yourself by getting a hold of a donor NB Miata (1999-2005), ripping it to shreds and throwing on a tube frame and chassis that’s built by Exomotive. Of course, there’s a teensy bit more to it than that.
We all know used Nissan Leafs are so cheap and so abundant now that Nissan should consider stopping production of new ones. Recently I did a search on Autotrader and found that there were more than a thousand Leafs (Leaves?) for sale nationwide listed for under $10,000. With so much used Leaf inventory everywhere, it’s no wonder Nissan is one step away from paying you to take a new one one off a dealer’s hands.
I never cared much for the old BMW 1 Series. It has almost a depressed look to it, like it’s upset because it knows it looks like BMW haphazardly shrunk a 3 Series in Photoshop, and that it was destined to be overlooked on dealer lots by yuppies dead-set on scoring a good X3 lease deal.
You know how every Star Wars movie has a janky flea market full of aliens and rusty junk? That’s pretty much how wholesale car auctions feel, and it’s probably where your used car came from.
I have always been a big fan of American cars, terrible handling and all. None of my friends who owned Audis, AMGs, Bimmers understood this affection. I didn’t care. It was a cheap way for me to enjoy gobs of torque, and the occasional fishtailing. (Plus, while I spent $30 for an oil change on my Ford they were spending half their salary replacing the alternator in their precious E63 AMG.)
I have no shame. I’ll knock down people’s doors until they give me the keys to what I want. Mostly it makes me look desperate and pathetic, but sometimes it works. This time around, the folks over at Mercedes-Benz of Austin gave in to my desperation and were kind enough to allow me to get my hands on their brand new 2017 Mercedes E300. If you’ve read some of my other articles about the M5 or the Porsche, you might be wondering why I would bother with anything other than an AMG.
I distinctly remember when someone I know bought a brand new 2014 Corvette Stingray C7 a little over two years ago for almost $80,000. I drooled over it, rode in it and thought: “Man, I hope he lets me drive it.” It’s almost like he could read my mind and immediately gave me a look that said, “You should consider yourself lucky that you’re even sitting in the passenger seat.” In response to that I told myself, “That’s ok, I’m going to buy this in five years for half of what you paid for it.”
While most people are busy trying to make a difference and change the world in a positive way, I find myself deep in thought wondering: “How much power does my car really make?”
It’s not hard to fall into a state of despair if you’re in need of a fun, reliable, daily driver but don’t have that much money to spend. The distress might make you want to crawl under the covers, eat ice cream all day while watching the second season of Fuller House. But, don’t worry, cheer up and turn off Fuller House!
Being a car enthusiast is always about wanting more. If you’re like me, every day you’re itching to drive cool cars you randomly see like a Nissan GT-R, Acura NSX, or a Toyota Previa. (I really want to drive that egg.) It’s a torturous feeling as there’s no easy way to get your hands on different kinds of cars unless you’re rich enough to own them all or have rich friends who do. I have neither. But there is another way.
Don’t be fooled by this classic Mini. It might look cute and adorable and tiny, but this is a real tough guy’s car. Clint Eastwood owned a Mini, Paul Newman owned a Mini—even Steve McQueen had one. Then again so did Princess Diana, so the common denominator there may just be good taste. Make that courage, too. I know this after driving one.
Think about driving home after a long, soul-killing day at work, full of continuous browser window swapping between Facebook, Jalopnik, YouTube and an excel spreadsheet full of random numbers so people think you’re actually working. Do you really want to fight traffic and sit through an endless number of stoplights, when you could be using that valuable time instead to browse Facebook, Jalopnik and YouTube?
Everyone loves the Porsche 911. Even my wife, who couldn’t care less about cars, appreciates a Porsche. The only disagreement I’ve ever heard when it comes to Porsches is whether we love the 914 now because it has no coolant, or still hate it because it’s a Volkswagen.
Sometimes I make really bad decisions, like when I decided to become an overnight millionaire by investing thousands of dollars into penny stocks. I think you know how that turned out—within hours my net worth turned into pennies. But then sometimes I make really good decisions, like buying a V10 BMW M5 with not just one but two warranties. With a car as unreliable as a seven-year old M5, the more warranties you can throw on it, the better.
You don’t see this quite as much as you used to, but every now and then car manufacturers build something that is a complete catastrophe. They throw all this money into a new product which doesn’t sell and then hardworking employees end up losing their jobs and get sent home in letdown automobiles like the Cadillac Catera, Fiat 500L or the Mitsubishi i-MiEV. I-MiEV. You know a car is already doomed when you’re not even sure how to pronounce it.
I find it incredibly boring to drive the exact same car day after day after day. It’s like sitting in a classroom listening to the professor go on and on about the significance of celery stalks in the life of the Cacataibo tribe in Peru. I would do just about anything else, including writing the letter “A” in a notebook a thousand times in a row. In fact, I’d rather put up with the Cacataibo tribe lecture and fill up a notebook with “A”s than keep driving the same car for years on end.
