Sperm Racing League Has Already Raised Millions, And You Should Remember That Next Time Imposter Syndrome Tries To Stop You From Following Your Dreams

At some point, we've all had some business ideas that probably could have been pretty successful if we'd actually pursued them. And yet, for whatever reason, we didn't. Maybe you didn't actually want to do the work starting that business would require. Maybe you felt like you didn't have enough experience to do a good job. Maybe you didn't know where to get the money you'd need to do things right. But you know what? All those reasons are officially hogwash now that the San Francisco Standard is reporting some 18-year-old kid just raised $10 million to fund his idea for a sperm-racing league.

Is sperm transportation? Who's to say. But apparently, it can be raced, and therefore, you better believe Jalopnik is going to cover it. Because we care about you. And because I want to see you follow your dreams and become as successful as you deserve. Or at least more successful than Eric Zhu, the kid whose sperm-racing league is currently valued at $75 million. As it turns out, you can raise money for pretty much any business idea these days. Heck, even Zhu himself reportedly had a hard time believing he'd raised so much money so fast. "At one point, we were saying this is, like, irresponsible, right? Like, we shouldn't raise more than $500,000," Zhu told the Standard. "Then someone f-cking wired us $300,000 without signing anything."

If you feel like you're missing something here, you probably aren't. They collect semen samples from the competitors, and then they see who has the fastest sperm. First one across the finish line wins. It might be the dumbest idea anyone has ever had, and even if it isn't, your idea can't possibly be dumber. Heck, maybe I really should open a restaurant that's basically Waffle House but also a bar.

Of course, if you ask Zhu, he'll say sperm racing is about more than just finding out whose sperm is the fastest. He wants "to gamify health and build an empire around male fertility." As he told the Standard, "It turns out a lot of people that are over 30 have problems making babies, and their sperm quality and stuff like that is really, really bad." How bad the problem really is has been the subject of plenty of debate in the medical community, but that didn't stop Zhu from turning sperm racing into a ridiculous amount of money. 

So how did he get started? The same way any successful entrepreneur bootstraps their way to the top:

Zhu, who launched his first startup, Aviato, from a bathroom stall in his Indiana high school, tells Sperm Racing's founding story like a fable: A nameless billionaire flew him out to New York City, asked him to name his wildest dream, then encouraged him to make semen competitions a reality. As Zhu and his cofounder, Nick Small, who previously ran a crypto company, floated the idea to investors, money poured in.

See? All you need to do is meet a nameless billionaire who's willing to fly you to NYC and give you money for something other than disgusting sex stuff, and you'll be all set. Really, it's a tale as old as time. At this point, if you aren't actively pursuing your dreams, funded by the crypto industry and many of the worst dude-bros anyone could dream up, it's almost like you're choosing to be poor or something.