Minimum Expectations For Top Gear UK Season 12, Based On The Teaser

• Veritas RS III
• Stig in a Bugatti Veyron
• Lamborghini Gallardo
• Speedboat driving
• Double decker bus racing
• Semi truck foolishness
• Pagoni Zonda
• Corvette ZR1
• Cadillac CTS-V
• Dodge Challenger SRT8
• Reno shenanigans
• Mercedes Benz C63 AMG
• Lexus IS-F
• Bathroom challenge, apparently

Well, he couldn't just leave the Falcon sitting on the sidelines, no sense leaving it to rust as he'd already stayed true to it for 23 years. So Eric "Hoon-Hulk" Bana put together a documentary to provide the inside story of his dragon-like affection for the car, his mates and how he got it back together. For color commentary, Bana brought in the likes of Jeremy Clarkson, Jay Leno and yes, Dr. Phil. Why Dr. Phil? Well, when you've got a dragon in your pants for your car — even a monster of a beast like Bana's red XB, we're pretty sure Dr. Phil would have a problem with it. Silly, puny Dr. Phil, doesn't he know anything about cars? Bana smash!

By the end of the year there will be a Clarksonov, Hammondchenko and Mayovski roaming the frozen steppes of Russia. Probably in Ladas.

Yes, there’s going to be a Top Gear Russia. Made in Russia for the Russians. A bit like the Aussie TG, but with more back-to-front letters and fewer boomerangs.

Everything’s a bit hush-hush at the moment, but we know that it’s going to run for 15 episodes initially, around the end of this year. The Russian Top Gear magazine has been doing well over there since its launch in 2004, so hopefully the locals will be familiar with TG’s ‘ambitious but rubbish’ philosophy.

First up, though, we’ve got to find the local presenters. Rumours that Clarkson, May and Hammond will be making a guest appearance clad in bearskin hats remain unconfirmed.

We can’t imagine there’ll be any shortage of candidates for the arduous job of thrashing supercars around the beautiful Russian outback. Or whatever the Russians call the outback.

There’s no word on what studio or test track they’ll be using yet, but we have glorious visions of a giant Russian Clarkson firing up a Murcielago in a decommissioned nuclear silo, surrounded by hoards of TG faithful wrapped up in layers of wintery clothes.

And bearskin hats. It’s all about the bearskin hats.

(Hat tip to Andreja!) [via Top Gear]

The scooter Jeremy is riding is a Vespa GTV, which comes in 125 and 250cc versions. We don’t know if he has a motorcycle license, but if he doesn’t, Clarkson was violating the law by not equipping the scooter with L plates (which are used in the UK to signify that a learner rider is operating the vehicle). Learners are allowed to operate motorcycles of 125cc or less, so if this is the 250cc version, that could be a further violation. That machine makes about 22 HP and is capable of reaching 76 MPH, in excess of the national speed limit.

Clarkson once said, “Some parents say drugs are the biggest threat to youngsters. I disagree. Every weekend, everyone under 25 takes crack, smack and E and very few are harmed. Bikes are far more dangerous.” [The Daily Mail via Moto Meme]

I spent most of my time in America this time in a new Corvette ZR1. It is a fabulous car. Mesmerisingly fast, good looking and amazing value. But after three days the damn thing was beginning to disintegrate. It made me growl with annoyance and despair.

The thing about the ZR1 is that it’s not just mesmerizingly fast, good-looking and an amazing value (at least here. In England it costs $200k), it’s built extremely well too. The aluminum chassis is as basic and as strong as it gets, every piece of running gear is of the highest specification available and the carbon fiber bodywork is some of the most well-laid, best-fitting we’ve ever seen.

Then there’s the interior, which we think is what Clarkson is talking about. It’s cheap...really cheap. Wonky plastic buttons abound, the 3ZR package brings ugly, atrociously stitched leather in poorly chosen color combinations and the steering wheel belongs in a Cobalt, not a 205 MPH supercar. But despite all that, it should fundamentally be capable of holding itself together. We just don’t know what Clarkson is on about. Do you? [via the Sunday Times]

[View the entire episode at FinalGear.com]

Obviously Clarkson grabbed the ZR1, Hammond got the keys to the CTS-V, and of course James May gets the outgunned Challenger SRT8. Pending the results of the show, we're assuming the ZR1 and CTS-V will be getting their just due on the world stage, while May will probably end up with the Challenger doing donuts and catching on fire. We have no idea when this episode will be hitting the airwaves, but when we find out it'll be pinned to our calenders. We eagerly await the metaphoric gymnastics Clarkson will be performing on the ZR1. Wonder how the Top Gear America guys feel about the British crew stealing their product thunder? (Hat tip to Paul!) [FinalGear]

"The only reason I haven't signed my contract yet is because it has not yet been finalized. The current one doesn't expire until the end of July. I'm sure a new one will be sorted out soon. I'm not stomping around about Jeremy's contract with BBC Worldwide. Quite frankly, I couldn't give a **** about it."

The paper's unnamed sources claim

"the presenters of the hit BBC Two series had not yet signed their new contracts even though their current agreements expire at the end of the month...there has been "a meltdown" in negotiations and that the pair "turned down flat" the first offer from the BBC. There has been a lot of pulling out of hair, a Mexican stand-off. For the first time it is possible that one or both might leave."

Photo Credit: Getty Images via BBC

We'll let the Daily Mail continue:

"While Clarkson may not have been pulled over for speeding the 48-year-old was hauled before court on speeding charges last year.

The Top Gear host had been accused of failing to name the driver on a speeding ticket but after an intervention from his lawyer Nick Freeman, better known as 'Mr Loophole', the case was dropped before it even began.

Mr Freeman, who has made his name acting for a string of celebrity clients, said the case was 'fatally flawed'.

Car firm Alfa Romeo had sent Mr Clarkson a speeding infringement notice, saying a car caught on a speed camera had been loaned to him.

The V6 Alfa Romeo Brera was snapped travelling at 82mph in a 50mph zone on the A40 in Ruislip, West London, on October 16 last year.

The case was dropped because although Alfa Romeo had loaned the car to Clarkson they had no information as who the driver was."

Photo Credit: Top Gear

Yes, Jezza spilled the beans, revealing that a Japanese bullet train will be the competition. But what new supercar in the land of the rising sun could possibly give a high-speed bullet train a genuine challenge? The previous seasons' races featured the likes of the Aston Martin DB9, Ferrari 612 Scaglietti, McLaren Mercedes SLR, and the Bugatti Veyron. So unless Lexus tossed over the keys to a pre-production prototype of the LF-A, we're thinking the Nissan GT-R will be representing. No word on which wins, (not that we'd want to have it spoiled for us) but we're rooting for Godzilla.
[BBC via FinalGear]

Top Gear Ground Gear Force: Part One

Top Gear Ground Gear Force: Part Two

Top Gear Ground Gear Force: Part Three

If you want to donate to Sport Relief, here's the link.

So someone calls me from the network and is clearly not a car person. He says: "You like cars, right?" I say yes. "Like, all kinds of cars?" Well, yes. I like all kinds of cars. Why? "Well, the network has bought the TV show . . . um . . . High Gear? Top Gear? Top Gear! Top Gear, yes. We know you like to build cars."

I ask: what's the plan for the show? "Well, like, one week you build a car that flies and the next week you make a car that goes under water." So I said: you know you can't build these things in a week.

Though we've got some cell phone driving laws in this country, we don't take them as seriously as the Brits in this article. The guy who took the pic was quoted as saying "Everyone knows you can't use a phone behind the wheel. Perhaps he thinks he's above the law." We're all for safety on the road and are not big fans of anything that causes someone to take their eyes off the road but this seems just a tad ridiculous. [Daily Mail via AutoBlog]

Price, plain and simple. If you want to buy this RHD Ford GT from Mustang Motorsport, we hear that it would cost you over $500,000AUD. Our calculator says that's about $452,000USD. But don't raid the retirement fund or rob a bank just yet, because word on the street is that they've already pre-sold the planned run of five cars.
[via Australian Ford Forums]

He went to open up his account after the story was published only to find out that about £500 was taken out of his account and donated to a charity. Oops. Being the stand up guy he is, he admitted he was completely wrong and that it is in fact a big deal, telling the BBC "Contrary to what I said at the time, we must go after the idiots who lost the discs and stick cocktail sticks in their eyes until they beg for mercy." [BBC News]

While we would like to see them throw out the current stable of official Jags in favor of the Caparo T1, we'd miss his automotive insight and witticisms on Top Gear. Let's also marvel at a country where the top politician actively seeks out the sentiment of the governed. [Reuters via Yahoo]

Please have a wonderful Christmas. Drink too much. Eat too much. Don't feel guilty about the presents you give or those that you receive. Care not for your carbon footprint or the impact of your naked consumerism. Be happy. And remember, you are having a much better time than Gordon Brown because he has no friends and you've got lots.

Today's winning Commenter is none other than one of our resident Brits (the good one), Rust-MyEnemy. You no doubt recall this morning's post from that sultry skank Murilee with all the pretty pics of the Jag XJ6 in the junkyard waiting to get crushed. Well, here's what Rust-MyEnemy suggests:

Murilee, do yourself a favour. Get the seats out of the XJ, nominate a room in your house as the Jaguar room.

Mount both the seats on rocker bases. Purchase a pair of leather/wool slippers, and a smoking jacket.

Purchase a pipe, and look around for some good pipe tobacco. If you don't smoke, find somebody who does to imbue the Jaguar room with the smell of rough shag, Churchill style.

As a finishing touch, obtain a 1966 Blaupunkt Paris valve table-radio. Try and find some Elgar on AM, and sit back in the XJ6 chair and relax. At this point you may require a good single malt. Chivas Century (not Regal) would be my choice.

But by the same token no one in Canada ever wins on the horses, or escapes from a knife fight with their life, or has an orgasm. It is Switzerland with wheat.

The article mentions that the afflicted include Jeremy Clarkson, who has suffered from slipped discs after all of that time behind the wheel of test cars. This proves that there is at least one thing annoying about driving amazing cars for a living. We'd still take his job in a second though. [Times Online]